How to Heal from a Miscarriage

When you find out your pregnant and once you start to come round to the idea you start to get excited and start to look forward to the next nine months. You're now getting attention and advice and the world seems perfect, but for a lot of women this dream comes to an end when they have a miscarriage.

When you see the blood, even though you know that there's nothing you can do to turn back time or prevent the miscarriage, you start to bargain with God even though your not religious, you try to convince yourself that women sometimes bleed and go on to have healthy babies or try to get to hospital to stop the bleeding.

When you do get to hospital and find out that you've lost your baby, your whole world falls apart, you don't know how your going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and all you know is that that human being that you were carrying and were going to meet has gone.

You start blaming God, your partner, yourself, friends and family, because if you can hold someone accountable, it might just ease the pain. You start thinking "if only I didn't drink that cup of coffee", "If only I wasn't around people who smoked or I should haven't smoked". The "IF Only" game that we play in our heads can make us go around in circles and drive ourselves crazy.

We start getting angry at other pregnant women, "Why are they pregnant, and I've had a miscarriage", gifts, toys and clothes for babies make us cry, being around pregnant friends is emotionally hard and seeing babies on TV hits us like a sledgehammer.

The tears will come and even when you stop crying and you think that you have no more tears left, something triggers off the tears again. It's ok to let the tears and pain out.

We start to get annoyed with friends, family and our partner for being able to move on and your stuck, your emotions are so raw and you feel so fragile,

Sometime after the miscarriage we decide to try again to get pregnant. Some women think "If I get pregnant maybe I'll have another chance", "If I get pregnant the pain will go away, but the problem with this is that if you have this constantly on your mind and consciously or unconsciously thinking about this when you have sex, it wont work and when your periods come, it will hit you like a ton of bricks.

How to deal with your loss and move on
It takes time to get your life back. You have just lost a baby and the loss will still affect you weither you were pregnant for a few weeks or a few months, You have lost the feeling of becoming a mother and feeling fulfilled as a woman, Give yourself time to grieve, you wont get over your loss overnight, and don't beat yourself up for starting to feel better.

Forgive yourself
I know this is something strange to say, after all you have done nothing to deserve losing your baby and it wasn't your fault in any way, shape or form, but I found that it help me to get through my miscarriage. Find somewhere quiet and say to yourself I forgive myself, it's time to let go and move on with my life.

Write a letter to the baby
It gives you a chance to say goodbye, to say all the things you wanted to say to your baby, to get closure. Giving the baby a name might help. This letter is for your eyes only

Light a candle
I read on a miscarriage site that lighting a candle and putting the candle in a river can help. I haven't tried it, but it might help to say goodbye.

Talk to a professional or support group
Sometimes you need to talk to people that have had a miscarriage. You can't keep it bottled up inside as it will eat away at you and you need to move on. There are plenty of internet sites that can give you help. Talk to your doctor, church group or other health care professional for support.

I found out that I was pregnant nov 06, and within two weeks of finding out I was pregnant I started bleeding, went to the hospital, had a scan and found out that I had miscarried even though on a earlier scan there was a pregnancy sac.

I found that pregnant people started to come out of the woodwork. I went through the whole five stages of grief, I started to beat myself up for feeling better, I got annoyed that my partner and my friends were able to move on and I was still trying to figure out how to put one foot in front of the other, I played the "what if" game. I tried to get pregnant after the miscarriage to get the feeling back and every time my period came my heart was broken again.

I got my german sheperd pup, I thought that he would fill the gap and help heal my broken heart. I love my pup, but he didn't fill the gap, but he gave me a reason for getting up in the morning and I wouldn't be without him.
I've started to move on, I won't forget about the baby that I've lost, but I have to move on and live my life.