How to Have a Healthy, Happy Marriage for a Lifetime

I've been happily married for eleven years to a younger man, with a different ethnic background (he's Japanese-American, I'm Irish-American.) Nothing would seem to indicate that our marriage should work, and yet it does. I've also worked in the past as a counselor and wedding planner and I am an ordained wedding officiant. I've done a lot of thinking and reading about what makes a marriage happy and healthy, and here's my best advice:

1. Never underestimate the importance of sex. You don't even have to both always have to be in the mood for sex to have it; if one of you wants sex more than the other one doesn't, it doesn't hurt to give in gracefully. Sometimes, establishing that physical bond is more important than sleep, or that book you want to read, movie you want to watch, or game you want to play. Babies and children complicate things, but you can always hire a babysitter or let Grandma take the kids overnight. How often couples need to have sex is as individual as the couple, but as a general rule, I'd say unless one of you is ill or absent, never go more than two weeks without having sex together. The closeness and intimacy you create together goes far beyond the bedroom.

2. Say "I love you." Never, ever go a day without saying it. If you're apart, say it by phone or by email. Once a day is essential. Several times a day is better. Your partner needs to hear it, and you need to say it. Never assume,"Well, he knows," or "My actions speak louder than words." Words have a lot of power. Say them, write them, express them.

3. Touch. Some experts say that couples need to touch in some way at least 5 minutes a day. Five minutes a day! I think couples need to exchange loving touches as often as possible. It only takes a second. Just holding hands walking through a parking lot, a quick hug or pat on the back in passing, or a peck on the cheek at an unexpected moment conveys a lot of love and can cover a lot of small misdeeds! My husband and I still hold hands across the table in restaurants. Waiters get a big kick out of it. They are often shocked when they learn we're not newlyweds. Just because we're holding hands!

4. Make time to do things together. No matter how busy you are, go out to eat or to a movie, or do some other activity you enjoy at least once a week, just the two of you. Hire a babysitter or get a relative to babysit if necessary. This gives you good memories to think about, shakes up your routine so you don't get in a rut, and gives you something new to talk about besides the bills, work, and kids.

Following these four simple rules will give you a good shot at a healthy, happy marriage for life. Always consider your marriage a work in progress. Never take your relationship for granted. Treat each other with love and respect, and chances are, your love will just grow stronger and stronger.