How to Help a Child Cope with Grief

Losing a family member, a pet or a friend is difficult for anyone, but it is especially so for children. How do we know the right thing to say or what is the right way to behave when a child suffers a loss? It's helpful that there are now many more resources and available information on how to cope with grief. Children need help from adults in order to cope in a healthy manner and can accomplish this by providing the child with comfort, care and understanding.

In the past, it was believed that children get over loss quickly, and that small children simply do not grieve at all. It was also believed that children were forever damaged by a major loss. Now we know that none of that is true. In fact, small children do grieve, but will continue to play and smile and laugh as well. It's also believed that children, like adults, never really get over a major loss and are permanently damaged by it. Instead, children are resilient and will assimilate grief like adults do, in that they grieve, live with the loss and move forward with life.

Encouraging children to express their feelings can sometimes work well, but another option is to let them use music or art as a way to cope. This works especially well for small children who may not have the vocabulary to tell you how they feel. There are five commonly recognized phases of grief. They include anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. As the child displays the different emotions associated with these phases, it's important to work with the child and let them release their emotions in a safe way. Be supportive and understanding towards the child.

If left untreated, unresolved grief can lead to more serious issues. Unresolved grief has many side effects such as unexpected crying, chronic sadness or delayed grief. Resistance to grief, guilt and multiple losses can bring about unresolved grief in many children.

There are some warning signs a child may display if they are not coping well with grief and loss. Some children will display a lack of concentration or poor memory. A child may also be unable to sleep, or is sleeping too much. The more serious signs of not coping well are self sabotage, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, violent outbursts and drastic social changes.

If it appears the child is struggling or is stuck in a stage like depression, consulting a psychologist may be necessary. A psychologist will be an empathetic, neutral third party that can help guide your child through the grieving process. A psychologist will give the child permission to grieve, provide support and assess the child for the right treatment. They will also assist in detecting any serious issues like suicidal thoughts on the part of the child or perhaps drug use by a depressed child.

Teaching a child early on how to cope with grief gives them the ability to get through the difficulties in life. Supportive and caring family and friends are the safety net children seek during loss and the more we all know about the grieving process, the easier it is for us to be there for them when they need us.