How to Help Your Child Deal with Nightmares

Nightmares are common in children and normally do not indicate a serious problem. However, nightmares can quickly become a big problem for your child if these terrible dreams are not dealt with effectively. As a child I had frequent, vivid nightmares and I remember very well what helped me deal with those terrible dreams. I also remember what actions/inactions made things a lot worse. Here are tips for helping your child deal with nightmares.

Children naturally feel very vulnerable in the world because they are vulnerable. They completely rely on adults for food, shelter, and personal safety. Children are at the mercy of adults. I believe that childhood nightmares have much to do with this feeling of vulnerability.

You can help mitigate these feelings of vulnerability in your child in a variety of ways. Here are some examples:

You can let your child choose a plush animal that will act as a guardian who will help chase fears away. My fuzzy toy animals (and I had many) helped bring me a sense of security, but only because I was able to imagine they would. The positive side of imagination can help your child deal with their fears and the accompanying nightmares.

If your family is religious, of course you can remind your child that his guardian angel will be watching over him as he sleeps.

How effective the methods for dealing with nightmares will be, will depend on the age and mental development of the child. Naturally, the methods for handling a three-year-old child's nightmares are not going to be the appropriate methods for an eight-year-old child. Older children often do best if they are allowed to discuss the dream and analyze it. But don't underestimate younger children-most kids understand much more than adults realize.

Don't tease the child for having nightmares. Nightmares can feel very real and shaming your child for being scared will only make things worse (and will damage self-esteem). Instead, discuss the dream with your child and gently help guide him to his own conclusions about the dream. Emphasize that what happens in dreams may be scary but won't really hurt him. Place less emphasis on the fear and more on the real power your child has. Emphasize the special strengths of your child. In doing this, however, acknowledge that you understand the fear and that fear is normal.

Encourage feelings of security while at the same time help your child learn to establish their own security.

Some parents will allow the child to come to bed with them after a disturbing dream. This may be appropriate and helpful at times, but in the end you will do your child the most good by helping him learn to deal with fear. I don't mean you should force the child back to his own bed each time. Kids need to know that safety is available and that they can depend on their parents in emergencies--even imaginary ones. If a child wakes up from a nightmare and is panicking, by all means do give comfort. Don't just send him immediately back to his own bedroom.

As unpleasant as they can be, nightmares offer the opportunity to teach your child effective, positive ways of coping with fear. These learned methods for coping with fear can benefit your child for the rest of his life.

It is not an easy task knowing how to guide a child and teach a child to deal with fear. Further complicating this is the fact that children can be very different. What worked for your eldest child may not work at all for your second child. Avoid comparing children to their siblings. Don't say, "Jenny was never afraid of monsters under the bed, so you shouldn't be." Your child needs to feel respected as an individual.

Some children will respond well to an imaginary protection brought by their plush toys or other guardians; other children respond better to discussion about real versus not real and analyzing the dreams. Nightmares are unavoidable, but with the right approach you can empower your child to deal with the dreams in a positive way.