How to Help a Child When a Parent is in Prison

If you work with children as a teacher, child care worker, camp counselor, etc, you'll probably at some point work with a child who has an incarcerated parent. Having an incarcerated parent is traumatizing for children. First of all, just being away from the parent and not having access to the parent is extremely hard for kids. The fact that the parent is in prison only complicates the feelings that would be experienced by any children who were separated from their parent.

Those who work with the children of incarcerated people have the unique opportunity to help them cope. Here are a few tips on how to make a difference for kids in this situation.

One of the most important things you can do is make yourself available to the child. Take the time to talk to the child and ask him how his day is going. In some cases, when the child is aware that you know about his parent, you can say something like, "It must be tough, having a dad who is in prison." You don't need to press the issue. If you are met with silence, just try again after a few weeks. But make sure the child knows that you are there if he wants to talk.

Make sure these conversations are not in the ear shot of other children. Spending time alone with the child can also help him become comfortable enough to talk with you. Usually those who work with children cannot be completely alone with them, for the protection of all involved. But a teacher could ask a child to stay in from recess and help reorganize the bookshelves, with the classroom door open the whole time. Or a camp counselor could ask a child to take a walk with him around the camp campus, in open areas where they can easily be seen (but not heard) by others.

Help the child to express her feelings about the incarcerated parent. You can ask the child questions such as, "What is the hardest thing about your mother being in prison?" Give the child opportunities to draw pictures or dictate or write stories or letters about their feelings.

If the child mentions his incarcerated parent in front of other classmates, don't allow other children to make fun of him for it. You can say, "Yes, sometimes parents go to jail, and we miss them very badly." Focus the conversation on how it feels to miss someone you love, which is something that just about every child has experienced on some level.

Sometimes a child will ask you why his parent needs to be in prison. You may not know the specific reason for it, but you don't need to know in order to give the child a supportive answer. You can explain that prison is a place for grown-ups who break the law. Reassure the child that it is not her fault, and that she is not bad. Explain that the child's parent is not bad, either. Sometimes grown ups, even parents, make big mistakes. Tell the child that it is okay to love his parent, and it is okay to feel angry or sad sometimes also.

Two percent of children have a parent who is in jail or prison, so the chances are high that you may meet one of these children. Remember that, with a little effort, you can make a positive impact on that child's life!