How to Help Your Child Through a Breakup

We all remember how devastating young love can be. The first breakup is the ultimate rejection. Young adults and children are already struggling with learning how to deal with their emotions and their changing bodies, so a breakup just puts more pressure on them, though it's a normal part of being a young person. As parents, how can we best handle it when our children get their hearts broken?

Listen. You might be tempted to remind your child that they are young and that this is not going to be the last relationship they're in. While that's certainly true, it probably isn't what they really want to hear right now, especially if they were using the 'love" word in the relationship. In fact, they may not want to hear anything at all. Instead, first let them talk to you. You child might describe how fantastic his or her boyfriend or girlfriend was. They may want to list all the reasons there will never be another one who is just that perfect for them. Just listen to what they have to say, even if it sounds unreasonable.

Validate. The real goal here is to empathize with your child. If you don't know how to empathize, then this is a great first step for you because validation is one of the most important parts of empathizing. When you empathize with someone, you're letting them know that they have a right to feel the way they do. Your child is already feeling rejected and might even be embarrassed by the fact that they were broken up with or maybe by some of the things they said or did during the course of the relationship. Let them know that you understand their hurt and encourage them to express it.

Share. It's no secret that children tend to think of their parents as idiots once they reach a certain point in their childhood. Parents are thought of as those people who couldn't possibly understand what a child is going through. This is a good time to let your child know that you have experienced similar issues. Share with your child some of your embarrassing and painful breakup memories. Not only will you let them know they aren't alone, but you may even bring your relationship with your child to a new level. Depending on how embarrassing your first breakup was, you might even be able to cajole a few laughs out of your hurting child.

Conference. Once the height of emotions have settled down for a bit, you and your child might discuss what the next step will be. Feel free to tell your child what you would do in this situation, but don't forget that your child is not you and may handle the situation differently. Whatever they decide to do, let your child know that you are there to support them through this breakup. If your child wants to get back with the person who broke up with them and you think it's a bad idea, you might question them a bit about the things they were unhappy with or the ways that you saw them changing during the course of the relationship, but be warned: If you push your child too far, they are going to do what you don't want them to just to assert their independence. This is a time for you to encourage your child to make smart choices, not condemn them for making different choices than you would or push them to be someone they aren't.

Move on. When the emotions are calm and the conversation is rational, help your child to move on to the next step. We all know that closure is important in a breakup, but your child may need some help with this aspect. Take your child out of the house and keep them busy for a bit so they can get back to living and enjoying life. It wouldn't hurt to observe the rest of the population when you're out either. Talk about the different things your child may be looking for in a relationship and what kind of person they hope to end up with. Discuss how your tastes have changed based on experience, but let your child do most of the talking if they are willing to.

A breakup is an important part of growing up. This is a vital stage in your child's life, when they learn how to deal with loss and heartbreak. You want to teach them healthy coping skills so that they are prepared for loss in the future and can handle it in a healthy manner. Encourage your child to come to you when they need to talk or have questions. Let them know that if nothing else, you can always be a great listener for them.