How to Help Children Cope with the Loss of a Pet

Cookie was her name, my first best friend, my first partner in crime, my four pawed pal. Cookie was my first and only dog growing up as a child. We got her when I was six and lost her when I was sixteen. I was by no means a child when she left our family but it was still a crushing blow and it hurt, after all she was a part of our family. I am now a grown man with two children of my own and the thought of losing a pet in the eyes of my children never crossed my mind, and needless to say, I was not prepared for it. The following story is how we helped my son deal with the loss of Aspen.

My wife and I got Aspen from a puppy rescue one year before the birth of my first child, she was our first baby and a true part of the family. She was the first one to greet us when we brought my son back from the hospital and they formed an immediate bond. She was a great dog and put up with whatever the growing baby could dish out, pulling on the ears, the tail, and always wanting to be around her. Aspen had little time to herself but she took it in stride and loved every minute she got to spend with all of us. About two months ago Aspen changed, she had severe aggression toward other dogs and would do anything at all possible to chase after another dog. We tried everything to get her back to her old self but everything we tried failed and one day she actually broke the screen door to chase after another dog. She attacked the other dog (no injuries) and we decided we just couldn't take the chance to keep her around.

We took Aspen to Table Mountain Animal Rescue to relinquish all rights, after debating long and hard how to handle it with my son. By the way, Table Mountain was absolutely great and made the process as easy as possible, I want to thank them for that. We took my son, who is four at this point, to my brothers house to play. We had discussed with him that we were taking Aspen to a much better place and his first reaction was "is she going to a farm to play with the pigs"? Of course we jumped on this and ran with it, he was absolutely thrilled that Aspen was going to be happy. Well, we completed the process and came to pick up my son who to our surprise didn't ask a single question about Aspen. We just left it alone, but of course, as we knew it would, the topic came back and we were prepared.

As I said we went with the farm story for my son, I would suggest you ask your child where your pet might be happiest. When you do this, they obviously already have an idea in their heads' about what fun their pet is having wherever they are. This will put their mind at ease and they won't be prone to worrying about the pets well being. My son to this day mentions how much fun Aspen must be having "chasing those darn pigs". So step one is creating an image in your child's head about what type of place your pet is going.

Our next step in this process actually began before we took Aspen to the animal rescue. We had my son draw a picture of Aspen with all of us, we made a copy to keep and he wanted Aspen to take the other picture to the farm with her so she wouldn't forget us. I am a large, some would say intimidating man, and when I saw that picture for the first time, I cried like a baby with deep concerns for my sons feelings. We actually did give the animal rescue people the picture which was a whole other emotional mess in itself but my wife and I actually feel better that Aspen has a piece of my son with her. So, another suggestion would be to let your child be a part of the process, let them draw a picture, let them have an emotional goodbye with the pet, let them know that the memories will be there forever, not only for them but for the pet as well.

The next step we took was let my son keep a picture of Aspen in his room. He stumbled upon a picture in a little dog house frame and he wanted to keep it. At first he would wake up in the middle of the night and bring the picture in our room to keep so "he would have dreams about her". At first we thought this might not be such a good idea but after some time passed he really enjoys looking at the picture and is really positive about the good memories the two of them had together. It's also a good time for him to tell stories about Aspen on the farm. Don't be afraid to let your kids have memories, of course it will be sad at first but after a while it really will create a positive attitude.

Finally, we simply talk about Aspen with our son sometimes. Sometimes he will bring it up and sometimes we will bring it up. We talk and laugh about some of the funny things she did and it continues the bond my son created with Aspen. There will be some tears in this process but it's such a great life lesson and teaching tool, my son knows loss, but at the same time he knows the satisfaction of bonding with such a close friend. I guess it goes back to the old saying "It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all".

I hope this helps, it by no means is a professional way to deal with this situation but it worked great for us, in fact it's working to this day. I never lost a pet as a four year old so I can't imagine the sadness my son must feel sometimes, and just thinking about his sadness breaks my heart. The reality is things like this happens and I hope this article might help one or two readers out there. Aspen did get adopted by the way. RIP Cookie!!!