How to Help Your Gay Child Cope with Exposure

Unfortunately, a recent headlining news story on CNN was about a gay teen at Rutgers University who committed suicide. Why? After finding out his roommate taped him having sex with a man, he jumped off a building toward his death. This incident has brought up several legal questions and one parental one: how to help a gay child cope with exposure. Here's where to start . . .

1. Build his self-esteem.
Help your child understand that he is more than just his sexuality. Whether people accept him or not, he's a human being worthy of every breath he takes. Remind him on a regular basis of what's good about him and how he shouldn't let the actions of others taint his vision of himself.

2. Find him a gay mentor.
Have a gay friend or relative who's happy and successful? Ask him to mentor your child. He can help your gay child cope with exposure. This person can explain the ups and downs of being gay in school, college and at work. He can also be a sounding board when things get tough and your child just doesn't think you'd understand.

3. Teach him about homophobia.
You may think your child is familiar with homophobic people because he's young and smart. Think again! In his mind, your child imagines people teasing or avoiding him in public because he's gay. But, he doesn't realize that some folks take their ignorance farther and act in violence or - invade his privacy. So, you have to warn him of the pending dangers of certain types of people.

4. Prepare him for open rejection.
After you teach your child about homophobes, help your gay child learn how to cope with exposure and rejection. Advise him that all people are reject for some reason - even for being too perfect. When others discover his sexuality and suddenly turn cold, he needs to understand they are the ones with the problem, not him. Then, if he feels overwhelmed, he needs to call home and get support.

5. Ask him to report any type of abuse.
Don't tell your child to turn the other cheek when other people abuse him. He needs to know how to use his words or contact the police. The correct response can convince a mean-spirited person to back off or give him the consequences he so richly deserves. Also, by teaching your child now to not accept any abuse, instead of hurting himself because he feels all is loss after an awful, illegal event, he'll take constructive action to deal with the perpetrators.

These are five ways to help your gay child cope with exposure. By preparing him now, hopefully, he'll be ready to handle whatever comes his way as an adult.