How to Help a Loved One Incarcerated in Jail or Prison
Ways to Show Your Love and Support
First, here are some suggestions about what not to do. Don't scream, threaten, or refuse to talk to your loved one. It's okay and perfectly natural for you to feel angry and upset towards them for whatever they did that caused them to become incarcerated. However, your loved one needs your love and support now more than ever, and blatant anger is not an effective way to change someone. Always remember, the only person you can change is yourself. Calmly tell them how you feel, and finish by letting your loved one know that even though they are incarcerated you do still love them and will be there for them.
Show your loved one that you care by sending them a little ray of light. Write as frequently as you possibly can. It doesn't need to be a novel. Even a short note or a greeting card just saying that you are thinking about your loved one can be the one and only bright spot in that person's day. Can't find a card that says just what you are feeling? Click here to check out Bars None Greeting Cards for Incarcerated. They offer dozens of cards specifically for those with loved ones in jail or prison, and they are very affordable.
Find out what you can send in the mail to your loved one by contacting the jail or prison system where they are incarcerated. Many will allow you to order writing paper, envelopes, books and magazines and have them delivered from a reputable vendor. Then, if possible, send your loved one whatever you are able. Good choices include: paper and envelopes so they can write to you and other friends and family; a Bible and daily devotional as a source of comfort and hope (Our Daily Bread is a wonderful devotional); your hometown newspaper, so your loved one feels less "out of the loop"; subscriptions to magazines geared toward their interests, and general interest magazines such as Reader's Digest, with uplifting and funny stories.
If you are within driving vicinity, visit your loved one in jail or prison as frequently as possible. Also, accept as many of your loved one's telephone calls as you can afford. Jail and prison are not nice places to be; your loved one will be constantly surrounded by some people who just aren't so nice. Seeing and speaking to you on a regular basis will help your loved one feel grounded and provide positive reinforcement.
Place money in your loved one's account whenever you can. Many inmates are required to purchase their own hygienic supplies while they are incarcerated and soap and shampoo can seem like great luxuries to someone in jail or prison. Inmates can also frequently use this money in the commissary to buy food items such as peanut butter crackers, ramen noodles and snack cakes. When your loved one is living on "mystery meat" these simple treats can make a big difference and remind the inmate of home.
Help your loved one feel like you are together even though you are apart. Create or order a Bible study and read the same passages on the same day. Discuss your thoughts and feelings at your next visit, on the phone, or in your letters. Send pictures of things they are missing while incarcerated: your Thanksgiving table, Christmas tree, or simply the way you rearranged the living room.
Finally, find support for yourself while your loved one is incarcerated. Lean on your family, friends, and church. Look online for support groups made up of people just like you who will understand what you are going through (you can find a list of them here).
Published by Tricia Goss
Tricia Goss is a freelance writer who lives in North Texas. Tricia specializes in computer technology and is certified in Microsoft Office applications. Tricia is also passionate about helping readers save m... View profile
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- Screaming, yelling and threatening your loved one will not encourage them to change.
- Write as frequently as you possibly can.
- Try to keep your loved one feeling in the loop.
14 Comments
Post a Commenthere is a great way to help save money on calls for FREE!!! if you have a loved one incarcerated
http://youtu.be/FqRZpyCE-H8
If you want to show your prisoner the life he or she can live, please consider sending the book, Escape from the Prison System: Finding the Narrow Door to him or her. Seventeen short stories of inmate lives turned around through salvation. It is at http://makerstouch.typepad.com/finding_the_narrow_door/ God truly will "restore the years the locusts have eaten." He loves the prodigal son. You can also be encouraged as you read how others came out of prison to become good citizens, parents, sons, and daughters.
Hi Patricia. You might want to check sites such as PrisonPenPals.com and WriteAPrisoner.com. I also recommend that you contact prison ministries in the state where he is incarcerated. I did a quick search and found two in Missouri: recoveryprisonministries.com and kairosmo-crossroads.org. Many ministries have volunteers who will encourage and provide guidance to inmates through letters and visits. Remember that, as much as you love your son, God loves him even more. We have all sinned and fallen short of God's glory, but He loves us and is willing to forgive us in spite of it all. God bless you!
I am new to this kind of thing. Very worried for my son, who is in Missouri prison. I am the only one writing him or sending him money. I understand that people are angry with him for his bad choices. I am on a very limited budget. I am disabled and on Social Security, anyway, is there a place I can go to on the computer to try and get someone else other than me to at least write to him? He is there due to his bad choices and it really hurts me as his mom that I cant fix it for him. He needs support from his family but I am the only one who gives it and it is breaking my heart. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am just rambling and I am sorry, I am lost for what to do to to help him. He obviously broke the law and needs to pay for that but where an I go to get some help for him or maybe even myself. I will stop now cause it not making much sense to keep on. Thanks in advance for any help or advice!!
how can they punish an inmate for something they couldnt charge them with. i guess thats where they get the term guilty until proven innocent or isit innocent til proven guilty. there is no justice in the missouri doc. it is a joke
one of your kids, brother, cousin took my husbands life. feel better about that?
what if your broke? I can't even pay the rent let alone put money on his books and phone for him to call?? Im miserable.
I will ck out your article as I need all the help to cope I can get...my daughter and her son are presently in prison and I have days where I just can't cope...thank you.....
Good article..I want to add though don't hide your feelings from the inmate, my husband is incarcerated and will be for the next 5 years, and when I'm having a bad day he knows it lol..He says it helps him feel more connected to me and lets him know that he can trust me, it also helps me to let the emotions out.
We have a blog @ prisonmarriage.blogspot.com if anyone is intrested
Good article
My cousin was in prison last year and I kept in contact by writing snail mail letters (no email in her prison) using this website - http://snailmailr.com
It's so easy and only costs a dollar ... I was able to write her quite a bit and she appreciated it.