How to Help when a Neighbor or Friend Loses a Loved One

The loss of a loved one is never easy. There are so many things that have to be dealt with at a time when the family is consumed with grief and pain. Unfortunately, most of the funeral arrangements do have to be handled by family. But there are many things that you as a friend, neighbor, or distant relative, can do to help out during this trying and emotional time.

Food is perhaps one of the first things that comes to mind when wanting to help out during a family's time of loss. The practice of bringing food to the home of the deceased's family has been going on for generations. In today's society, it is perfectly acceptable to take food to the family's home, or to the church, and sometimes even to funeral homes. Many funeral homes today do have places where people can bring food and drinks for visitors and family. If you're not sure if you are allowed to bring food to a church or funeral home, call and ask the church or funeral home if it is permissible.

Many people will bring cakes or pies, but other items are also just as welcomed. Soft drinks, a can of coffee, or sandwiches are almost always used and appreciated. A pot of chili or soup are great items during winter months and pasta salads are good for summer months. Whatever you bring, it will help feed the family, friends and visitors and be appreciated.

Babysitting for young children is another way to offer help during this time. Offer to keep the children at your home in order to free the adults so that they can make funeral arrangements and deal with other issues. Children are often confused and frightened when seeing grownups upset. By taking care of them at your home, it gives the grownups time to grieve and cry without upsetting the young children as much.

Along the same line, offer to stay with a homebound elderly person. This allows the other family members to go about the chore of finalizing arrangements without worrying about finding someone to care for their elderly relative.

Offer to do errands for the family. Call and ask if they need anything from the store, or if they need you to pick anything up. This is a small gesture that is very thoughtful. You can also offer your vehicle as a taxi service. If anyone needs a ride from or to the airport, offer to pick them up.

You can also offer to do small chores that need doing during this time. Pitch in and wash dishes or bring your mower over and cut the grass. These things often need doing, but the family has more important things to worry about.

Another way to help that many people don't think about is offering use of your spare bedroom to family members from out of town. Many people may not be able to afford a motel and the family's home may be already overflowing. Even if it's only one room, it may help out.

This chore is not one many people like to think about. Digging the grave. If the person is being buried in a perpetual care cemetery, the opening and closing of the grave is handled by the cemetery. However, if the person is being buried in a private or family cemetery, it is often up to the family to get the grave dug. This is a chore that needs someone physically able to do it.

The last idea is sometimes a touchy one. It's offering money to the deceased person's family. Many people are not sure about offering money. They are often afraid the family will be insulted. However, if the deceased had little or no insurance, money can be a great help during this time. There are many expenses related to a funeral and the burial. A reasonable funeral cost approximately five to six thousand dollars. And there's also the cost of the burial plot if in a public cemetery and flowers for the casket. Sometimes the family will let it be known that money contributions are welcomed. If not, you just have to play it by ear, and make your own decision.

However you decide to help, always remember an act of kindness is the greatest gift you can give.