How to Help New Parents of Premature Infants

It was a hot July and a stressful one. We had recently moved and I was trying to complete the nursery in time for the baby. After what was supposed to be my routine weekly visit to the OB, I found myself hurried to maternity and rushed into emergency surgery. At 32 weeks gestation, my baby was going to arrive because I had pre-eclampsia.

With a baby born two months early, I was completely unprepared. I hadn't even finished birthing classes! Parents with preemies are generally unprepared for emergencies such as these and even less sure how to deal with the sometimes unhelpful, but well-meaning friends and family.

Here are a few things you can do to help unburden these parents:

Remember that they need time. These babies came into the world too early. They need the love and attention of their parents. Parents often times will need to "kangaroo" care for the baby. This entails holding the baby skin to skin for long periods of time. Other times, the babies are so early they need a lot of medical care such as help with breathing and eating. As much as you want to love on this new infant, keep in mind he or she needs the one on one time with mom and dad above all. Preemies shouldn't be passed around a lot nor have many visitors because the activity can stress him out and impede his growth and development. Even excessive photographing can be very stressful to the baby.

Give of your time. New moms and dads go through adjustments and parents of preemies have even more to deal with. Because the babies can't come home right away, moms and dads find themselves spending a lot of time at the hospital. Offer to clean the house, babysit the older siblings of the newborn, make meals, and drive them to and from the hospital. Nothing relieves the tension for preemie parents more than having the mundane details looked after so they can focus on the baby.

Give clothing. New parents spend time purchasing baby clothes and even washing them in anticipation of the baby's birth. As the parent of a premature infant, you don't even have time to go out searching for preemie sized clothing, let alone wash it. Wal-Mart, Babies 'R Us, and other department stores, such as Dillard's, carry preemie clothing. Don't buy a lot because the babies can grow out of it quickly. Wash the clothing in baby laundry detergent or a hypoallergenic detergent such as All Free & Clear. Don't use fabric softeners as the baby can't handle a lot of odors and extra chemicals against her skin. Some of the clothing items that work the best for preemies are gowns (so they can still curl up their legs and for easy access of the medical lead wires), caps (to help keep body warmth), socks, and zippered one piece outfits (over the head clothing can be difficult with preemies due to the medical leads and buttons can be uncomfortable). There are some very cute dresses and little outfits for preemies, but stick to simple, zippered pieces so that the parents and medical staff can easily access the baby. Lightweight blankets are also great gifts. The parents need a lot for swaddling.

Avoid calling a lot. Parents of preemies aren't always able to return phone calls quickly. Because cell phones aren't allowed in the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit), the parents will have to return calls when they return home. The parents are already over burdened with trying to care for the preemie and maintain their home life. Be sensitive to how often you phone them.

My sweet daughter was born at 32 weeks weighing right at 4 pounds. Thankfully, she was able to breathe on her own but spent four weeks in the hospital growing and learning how to eat. If it weren't for those wonderful people who cleaned my house, made meals, gave clothing, etc., I think that time in our lives would have been so much more stressful.