How to Help Your Spouse Through a Midlife Crisis

It's easy to get frustrated and angry when your spouse is going through a midlife crisis, but wouldn't you be better off trying to understand? A mid-life crisis is often called a "second puberty" in which an adult tries to recapture his or her youth by behaving much like a teenager. There are many reasons why this occurs in older adults, but here are a few tips on helping your spouse through a mid-life crisis.

Join Your Spouse
While a midlife crisis can become dangerous and detrimental to your spouse's health, you'll be far better able to help them stay grounded if you participate in these new activities. In many cases, this type of an episode is symptomatic of another, larger problem. Your spouse might be feeling self-conscious or worried about growing old without having accomplished important goals. If you make an effort to understand these feelings, you can both go through this together. And it's not really a crisis until someone wants to jump out of a plane.

Emphasize the Positive
While in your heart of hearts, you might not see anything positive about your spouse's midlife crisis, you're going to have to try your hardest. Your spouse wants to feel validated in his or her efforts to recapture youth, so focus on the positive aspects, such as an increased fervor for life. If your spouse wants to start running five times a day, look at it as a healthy endeavor rather than an attempt to be someone your spouse is not. In most cases, these seemingly frivolous urges will deteriorate in a month or two.

Support New Hobbies
Your spouse may decide to take up golf or softball or horseback riding during a midlife crisis. Support these hobbies and, if possible, take part in them as well. Even if you don't have an interest, you should know that new activities will bring you and your spouse closer together.

Watch for Mood Swings
While there are many positive aspects of a midlife crisis, your spouse may experience the negative aspects, as well. Mood swings are common and may range from mild to overly severe. Watch for signs of depression, rage, resentment or despondency in your spouse and try to talk about it if you feel that things are going too far. You might want to suggest couples counseling -- even if there's nothing wrong with your marriage -- so that you can work through these issues together. After all, your spouse needs a partner more than anything else.

Provide Reassurance
There's a fine line between offering reassurance and refusing to validate your spouse's feelings. You aren't going to help your spouse at all through a midlife crisis if you ridicule and dismiss his or her feelings. Even if you think your spouse is crazy, muster the desire to offer reassurance and validation. Let your spouse know that you love him or her as is and that nothing needs to be changed.