How to Help Your Teen Deal with the Struggles of an Identity Issue

Is your teen struggling with issues of identity? Are you unsure on how to help your teen deal with the struggles of identity? To help understand where the struggle of an identity issue stems from for teens and what you can do to help your teen deal with the struggles of an identity issue, I have interviewed psychotherapist Lonnie Mullet, MA LPC.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a licensed professional counselor in the state of North Carolina. I hold an MA degree in education from the University of Akron '99 as well as an MA in counseling from Dallas Theological Seminary in '05. I have worked as a counselor since 2005. Much of my professional life has been working with young people in some capacity as an instructor, teacher, coach or therapist. Many teenagers struggle with identity issues, which often encompass several domains including: spirituality, sexuality, body image, parent's divorce, peers, or loss."

Where does the struggle in an identity issue for a teen stem from?
"The struggle in an identity issues stems from the tumultuous developmental period of adolescence. All of us face this challenge to some degree as we mature from childhood into early adulthood. How many adults would willingly choose to relive middle school or even high school? The task for most people overwhelms them. What kind of man or woman do I want to be? Or what kind can I be? Or should I be? Often teens look to peers or famous people who they believe have successfully answered this question. Many times teens rebel against parent's ideas or alternately become enmeshed or most often a mixture of enmeshment and rebellion. This generation has access to a lot of information from multi-media outlets without much of a filter. This bombardment of information overloads teens with questions people in the past didn't face until their early twenties. It's not uncommon for many teens to have deep philosophical and existential questions for which parents and teachers are often unprepared."

What type of impact can a teen's struggle with identity have on their overall life?
"When a teen struggles with questions of identity, it becomes hard to overstate the impact of this on their overall life. Identity not only involves how we see ourselves but how other people see us and how we perceive other people seeing us. On top of that, there is an existential element to identity-the realm of spiritual, philosophical, emotional or psychological well-being. Almost all of us want to have a reason or purpose for being and doing. Nothing is more central to who we are than our faith and values, body, sexuality, and life's work. To struggle with any one of these areas seems almost insurmountable; if a teen has an identity challenge the symptoms may look like depression, anxiety or anger."

How can a parent help their teen deal with the struggles of an identity issue?
"Parents can help their teens by avoiding some of the more common errors. Two examples are: Minimizing. When parents make comparisons to their own difficult teenage years and successful outcome, parents often minimize their teen's hurt. Remember parents, you have the advantage of having survived and lived to tell about it! It's easier for adults to shrug off memories of feeling different, left out, or angry but to a teen living through the experience it's often excruciating lonely and painful. Instead of minimizing, acknowledge when they are disappointed or angry.

The second is over-identifying. Teens need to separate from parents-it's a healthy step toward growing adulthood. For the most part, allow teens to figure out how to handle their problems. When your teen gets a speeding ticket-she pays for it. When your son earns a failing grade in geometry, he stays home to study while his friends attend the basketball game. Natural consequences are the best teachers as they are real world consequences. It's also more effective to have immediacy with consequences. Teens often negotiate terms to '˜pay consequences' at a time to be determined later, which often never happens! Think about it almost nothing in the adult world works this way.

Of course, teens need parents or guardians to step in when it comes to safety issues; however, dealing with a difficult math teacher may not be one of them. Rescuing teens from problems often diminishes self-confidence and extends adolescence unnecessarily into the young adulthood."

What type of professional help is available for a teen that is struggling with an identity issue?
"Teenagers who have serious issues with identity in the areas of body image, sexuality, spirituality, self- image, parent relationships including divorce, abandonment, and grief often benefit from professional help. This can be done through work in family therapy or individual therapy with family members in support or even group therapy when available and appropriate. In rare cases, when safety becomes an issue, some teens may benefit from residential treatment programs."

Thank you Lonnie for doing the interview on how parents can help their teen deal with struggles of identity issues. For more information on Lonnie Mullet or his work you can check out his website on www.counselingcharlotte.org

Recommended Readings:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5514040/disciplining_a_rebellious_teenager.html?cat=25">Disciplining a Rebellious Teenager

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/188760/how_to_talk_to_your_teenager_about.html?cat=25">How to Talk to Your Teenager About Sex

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2992358/risktaking_teen_and_parental_behavior.html?cat=5">Risk Taking Teen and Parental Behavior