How to Help Your Toddler Adjust to a New Baby

When you find out that you are expecting a baby, many feelings flood your senses. There may be excitement, anticipation, anxiety or even fear. One thing is for sure: if you already have a child at home, you are concerned about how he or she will adjust to having a younger sibling. If your child is older, he will be able to partially understand the changes that a new baby will bring to your family. He can talk openly about the implications and ask questions. However, if your older child is still a toddler, it is hard to explain what a new baby will mean for him. Often, it is difficult to even partially prepare a toddler ahead of time. Instead, the child has to learn from first-hand experience how having a new sibling will upset his lifestyle and routine. Here are a few tips for how to make the transition as smooth as possible for your older child:

1. Talk about the baby frequently during your pregnancy. Tell your toddler, though he may not understand you, about his soon-coming brother or sister. Talk to your tummy around your toddler to try and help him connect the roundness of your stomach with a new person.

2. Encourage your child to talk about the new baby and ask questions if he has them. As the due date arrives, point out babies when you are in public. Explain that soon a person like that little baby will be coming to live at your house.

3. Point out all of the advantages of being an older brother or sister. Even if you think your child is too young to understand, tell him how he will be able to play with the new baby. Tell him that his new sibling will be a good friend and that they will have much fun together. Talk about the fun activities they will be able to do together.

4. Don't make the picture look too rosy. Explain that when the new baby comes, you will have to spend much time with him. You will have to feed him, hold him and change him. Explain that babies are helpless and can't do things for themselves that big boys (or girls) can. Tell him that you are excited that he will get to be your number one helper.

5. When the baby arrives, have extra help around the house. If your spouse can stay home for a few days, that is ideal. Otherwise, bring in a close friend or family member who can give your older child one-on-one attention while you are busy with your newborn. When the baby is sleeping, spend time talking to and cuddling your toddler. While you breastfeed or bottle feed the baby, have your older child sit next to you while you read to him. Show him through your actions that the new baby is not a replacement, but rather an addition.

6. If your children are going to share a room, move into it gradually. Keep the new baby in your room for a few weeks to help your toddler adjust to his new circumstances. If you do not want the baby to sleep in your room, set up the bassinet in the family room.

7. Don't force your older child to be involved with the younger one. Many toddlers withdraw from the new baby out of feelings of apprehension. This is normal and healthy. Don't force him to talk to or stroke the baby. He will do this on his own when he is ready.

8. Don't lecture. A toddler does not understand you when you say, "We're all a family, no one is any more or less important." Instead, reaffirm him with your extra love and attention.

All children adjust to having a new sibling around. Some may like it more than others, but with time your toddler will forget what life was like before baby. Stay laid-back and patient with the process and you will enjoy a happy big brother, or sister, in no time.