How Can I Help My Wife in Perimenopause?

If you are a married man and your wife is in perimenopause, chances are, you want to help. Any decent, intelligent, self-respecting man would. It is part of what it means to be a husband.

The only problem, with that, however, is that you also likely don't have the first clue where to start. Because, let's face it. We're not exactly talking about a leaky faucet or squeaky door hinge when your wife begins to enter menopause.

So, what exactly can you do? Take out the trash? Clean the kitchen? Wash a few loads of laundry? While those things are always a good idea, if you really want to help your wife in perimenopause, it's important to understand a few things that may not readily meet the eye.

Don't Take it Personally - It's Really Not About You

One of the first things you need to come to terms with if you want to help your wife in perimenopause, is to realize that her hormonal gyrations and subsequent physical symptoms are not about you.

That is, if your wife wakes up one morning and she swings from crying to raging to crying once again or she's screaming she's hot one minute and cold the next, you haven't failed.

Though you may very well be the one who bears the brunt of her raging mood swings or you've had to invest in a few extra sweaters and hoodies, she is not having mood swings or hot flashes because of something you have or haven't done.

You can't help your wife, or anyone for that matter, if you become wounded or offended by something she says or does when her estrogen and progesterone levels are ricocheting all over the map. So remember: don't take it personally.

It's Not a Phase

When it comes to dealing with hormonal, emotional women, many men have a tendency to hunker down and wait for the storms to pass. While this may be a good strategy under normal conditions, this is not a good strategy if your wife is in perimenopause.

If you are dismissive because you think she is just "going through a phase" and believe that she will eventually "get over it", you could be setting yourself up for more complications later. That is because women tend to measure the love you have for them by how you respond when they are suffering.

Yes, perimenopause is a phase that she is passing through on the way to menopause. But, it is not a phase you can liken to a fickle flight of fancy. She is not only losing her ability to bear children, she is also becoming an entirely new woman in a new chapter of life.

If during this profoundly, life altering time, you have shown insensitivity or have been uncaring toward her, you can be certain she will not forget it.

In fact, many women often leave their marriages once they reach menopause and much of it has to do with how their husbands treated them when they were going through it. So now, gentlemen, is not the time to be insensitive or aloof. Rather, this is the time to reach toward your wife and offer compassion, sensitivity and tender, loving care.

She's Not Crazy and She is Not Choosing Perimenopause

Okay, so maybe the crazy part is debatable. Plummeting progesterone levels resulting in estrogen dominance will definitely make her a wee bit unbalanced. However, in spite of appearances, she is not crazy and this is not a deliberate choice.

If you respond to her as if she has lost her grip on reality or that she is making a conscious choice to have raging mood swings, you will not only be undermining your efforts to help her. But, like dismissing her as if she's just going through a phase, you could be laying the groundwork for even bigger marital problems in the future.

Look, one of the things that make us women is our hormonal wiring to nurture. If a toddler runs wildly amuck because they do not know how to contain their emotions and frustrations, as women and mothers, we do not run away from them or call them crazy. We help them by soothing them, calming them and comforting them.

Likewise, when our hormonal wiring short-circuits during perimenopause, we need someone to nurture us. That is where you come in. You can help your wife in perimenopause by realizing first, she is not crazy and second, she is not choosing to lose complete control over her emotions and her body.

I can assure you with a great certainty, that if given a choice? Women would not choose to go through perimenopause.

All You Need is Love

As you've undoubtedly learned by now, dealing with women is not an exact science. It is more like an art, fluid and subjective. So, while simply taking out the trash today will be enough to appease the raging hormone gods today, tomorrow? No so much.

But, if you arm yourself with an attitude to love your wife through this "better or for worse" time of her life, you can be assured that you are absolutely doing the right thing and are helping her. And remember, men, chocolate is always in season.

Sources:

"How Can I Help My Wife in Perimenopause? Perimenopause: What it is and What it is Not". December 29, 2010. The Perimenopause Blog. December 29, 2010. http://www.theperimenopauseblog.com/?p=3734

"Perimenopause Hot Flashes: Cool the Heat with Soy" June 10, 2010. Associated Content December 29, 2010. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5443600/perimenopause_hot_flashes_cool_the.html?cat=5

"Estrogen Dominance in Perimenopause - Understanding and Treating the Symptoms" May 6, 2010. Associated Content December 29, 2010. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2953960/estrogen_dominance_in_perimenopause.html?cat=5

"How Can I Help My Wife in Perimenopause: The Female Brain" December 29, 2010. The Perimenopause Blog December 29, 2010. http://www.theperimenopauseblog.com/?p=3994

"My Wife is in Perimenopause and Wants a Divorce: Now What?" November 24, 2010. Associated Content December 29, 2010. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6052576/my_wife_is_in_perimenopause_and_wants.html?cat=5

"I'm in Menopause and Want to Divorce my Husband" November 30, 2010. Associated Content December 29, 2010. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6063518/im_in_menopause_and_want_to_divorce.html?cat=5