How to Get Your High Need Baby to Sleep

As the mother of a high need baby, I soon learned that she needed me around the clock. Sleeping problems are exaggerated in high need babies, and harder to manage. Dr. William Sears, author of numerous parenting books, and proponent of attachment parenting, first defined the term "high need baby." Identifying a baby as high needs is easy: the baby is fussy, wants to be held constantly, the parents are exhausted, and the house is a mess. (Ever tried to mop one handed? It is possible; I did it for eight months!) Sometimes high-need babies are identified as colicky: the difference is, a high-need baby can be soothed, if you give him what he wants! Sleep problems in high need babies are especially troublesome, because a high need baby may want to be in constant physical contact with another person, and may want to be in constant motion!

In order to better explain how sleep problems are different in high need babies, let me share my own experience with my high needs baby. Whenever we put our baby down, our baby would start to wail. I do not mean a normal infant cry: it sounded like she was actually in pain. At first, the adults took shifts holding her while she slept, but it soon became apparent that after my husband went back to work and my mother went back home that another solution would be necessary. By the time I stumbled upon a solution, I was so sleep-deprived that I had lost my peripheral vision. I lay down in bed to feed the baby, promising myself that I would not fall asleep. I woke up five hours later, with the baby safe and still asleep in my arms.

High need babies need human contact, even when they are asleep. There is much debate about sleeping with a baby in your bed, as recommended by Dr. Sears. Creating a "family bed," where the baby sleeps in the adult bed with the parents, is an effective way for everyone to sleep peacefully through the night. The high needs are met by letting the baby be in close contact with their parents while they sleep, and the parents can sleep when the baby sleeps, a common bit of parenting advice. If you do not mind sleeping with your baby in your bed, but are still worried about your baby falling out of bed or you rolling over on your infant, there are products that you can use to assist you in dealing with your high need baby's sleep problems.. Bolsters such as Bean Products' "Family Bed Co Sleeper are made to prevent your baby from rolling out of bed, and inserts like the "Close and Secure Sleeper" from First Years allow your baby to sleep in their own "mini-crib" placed on the bed between Mom and Dad. While this is one way to overcome high need babies' sleep problems, it is not the only solution.

If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of a "family bed," there are other options that will help you care for your high need baby and her sleep problems. The first option is a bassinet pushed next to your bed. Use a swinging bassinet or cradle if your baby prefers to be in constant motion. Hang your arm over the side and touch your baby while you both sleep. A co-sleeper is a sidecar type arrangement-the co-sleeper attaches to the adult bed, and the baby sleeps in his own space, level with you, but separated by a low barrier. Arm's Reach makes a good co-sleeper.

Some high need babies want you to hold them while they sleep: try tucking an arm around them or a hand under their head to give them the illusion that you are holding them. Others will be satisfied with a hand on their chest or by just holding their hand. Other high need infants want to hold on to you. If this is the case with your baby, give them a few fingers to clasp, or a forearm for them to wrap their chubby arms and legs around. Even a little bit of human contact can help alleviate sleep problems in high need babies, and it is so important for everyone to get enough sleep.

Accept the fact that it will be a while before your high need baby will sleep in its own room. It takes time for a high need baby to overcome his sleep problems. Some high need babies can transition into their own crib, but still need to be in the same room as you. Try moving the crib slowly away from your bed, out the door, and down the hall. High need babies can become independent toddlers, but they may still need you at night. Because they tend to be restless sleepers, they may wake up more often than other toddlers. Toddlers who were once high need babies may also need you to stay with them until they fall asleep. Sit next to them and hold their hand, or lay down next to them on the floor if they take a long time to fall asleep. Bring a book to read so you do not fall asleep-no one likes to wake up on the floor! Though they may still need a parent more than other toddlers, these former high need babies have less sleep problems the older they become. High need babies will eventually grow out of their sleep problems. By being flexible in how you manage their sleep problems and giving your baby what he or she truly needs, both of you will be able to sleep much better.