How to Host a Local Area Network Party and Live to Tell About It

They come marching through your door with cables and wires galore; what's a mom to do? Retreat to the kitchen and your laptop. As the age of online computer games takes over our lives, computer parties are becoming more and more popular. I survived my first LAN (Local Area Network) party by staying calm and remembering a few simple facts:

1. Keep the players fed. It is important to keep snacks portable and computer friendly. The munchies of choice are those that can be eaten with the use of one hand and preferably not an attention drain. Chips and dip require a little more concentration than popcorn. Sandwiches cut in quarters are easier than a full turkey on rye. Pizza is definitely a staple, be it from the oven or from a Dominos, it's a hit! Make sure you have something sweet as well. About 2a.m., you or the gamers are going to need a sugar rush to make it through another twelve hours of computer generated fun. Although they will probably bring energy drinks with them, you might consider supplying anything with caffeine. A gamer cannot live on pizza alone, soda is a definite must if you are going to make it to the ranks of coolest LAN mom.

2. Provide as many tables and chairs as possible. Anything flat will do the trick. Our last party involved twenty computers. The better prepared you are the less likely they will commandeer Aunt Elsie's antique desk for soda sweat and mouse territory.

3. Know your home's electricity limit in certain areas. If high electricity consuming appliances are already on a circuit, chances are likely the party should be set up in another room. The kitchen is a rough room to play in especially if your refrigerator or stove is on the same circuit as your wall outlets.

4. Temperature is going to be an issue. This may sound a little like paranoia to start with, but I've lived it and froze my butt off in the middle of January. The room in which they take over is going to heat up quite a bit. Think of the heat your laptop puts out and multiply that by twenty. Now, take that amount and add nineteen bodies (inevitably, one party goer is bound to believe he needs two computers instead of one). The heat is unbelievable. Our thermostat was located in the party room which means our heat did not turn on all night. While the gamers were down to t-shirts and shorts with fans going trying to cool their 88 degree room, the rest of the house was lucky to see 65 degrees. Yes, that is a twenty degree difference and yes, it does happen. Plan accordingly.

5. Be mentally prepared. Throughout the night as you are feeding and cooling the intrepid gamers, you will be bombarded with phrases like, "Our guild is getting ready to raid." At this point you have one of two choices, you can try to educate yourself on the foreign language they assume you understand or you can nod your head yes and hand them a cinnamon roll. This is where your laptop comes into play. As you hear the foreign phrase, plug it into a Google search and respond appropriately. Some players prefer this while others just want the gooey treat.

The most important issue to face is how long you are willing to have your household taken over by the LAN. Most kids will tell you of how long the last party lasted. When using numbers, they are not referring to hours, but days. Hence, "The party lasted for three last time," that means three, yes, count them, three days. Most of the participants are just thankful they had a place to get together and play. They tend to be very gracious and polite, but an end time must be established. I would limit it to twenty-four hours at most in order to retain your sanity and integrity of your pantry. Just remember, it's only one night and your gamer will be the coolest on the block.