How to Identify Sociopathic Behaviors

Spotting a sociopath is not as simple as pointing to a masked, knife-wielding freak running down the road. Odds are, you know or have known a sociopath in your lifetime. Some are better at concealing their dysfunction than others, though most live in denial of having a problem. My life has been plagued and overtaken by a sociopath that my now ex-husband brought into our home and our lives. I thought I could get along with and understand everyone, until I met the woman I now call "Psycho Queen." Before I knew it, she had coerced my kids into calling her "Mommy" behind my back, had convinced me that my husband was in love with her, and had my life so upside down that I almost checked myself into a mental hospital. And why would she do all this? Simply because it is a game she likes to play. Once she has destroyed someone's life, career, or marriage, the Psycho Queen quickly finds a new victim. If she catches a hint that anything might be reconciled, she darts back to create more chaos. Because of the Psycho Queen, I choose to leave my husband and try to move on with my life. Eight months later, she still invades my life on a constant basis.

Dr. Robert Hare is a well-known and respected professor and creator of the Psychopathy Checklist. This checklist is used to assist in the diagnosis of antisocial disorder, also known as sociopathic behavior. According to Dr. Robert Hare: Expert on the Psychopath, Dr. Hare was introduced to the sociopathic personality when he worked at the British Columbia Penitentiary and embarked on a journey to identify sociopaths. So, how do you know when you are dealing with a sociopath? I found Dr. Hare's Sociopathic Traits Checklist to be very concise and consistent with the behaviors I saw in Psycho Queen. Though not an exhaustive list, these are some of the bigger red flags when you think you are dealing with a sociopath:

· Criminal versatility and/or juvenile delinquency (though do note that not all sociopaths are capable of murder, nor are all murders defined as sociopaths)

· Numerous short-term or multiple relationships based on sex or financial gain

· Lack of responsibility for own actions (not just blaming others, but complete denial of any involvement in the situation, even when caught in the act)

· Numerous sexual exploits and or partners

· Manipulation of people, positions of power, and situations of all types

· Parasitic behaviors and dependency on others despite the ability to care for self

· Lack of empathy, remorse, or guilt despite the severity of the situation

· Pathological lying (either to gain trust of get self out of trouble)

· Inflated self-worth and superficial charm

· Need for constant change, inability to be stable, and desire for thrills

The trait that I find easiest to pick up on when I am dealing with someone I suspect to be a sociopath is pathological lying. Sociopaths will not only stare you directly in the eye and swear that the sky is green and the grass is blue, they have a way to make you really question your own belief that it is not true. My favorite lie from the Psycho Queen was when she found out I was Wiccan and then proceeded to tell me about how she use to be into witchcraft until she saw an 8-foot purple gargoyle on her dresser one night. I had a horrible time keeping a straight face through this story of hers, but she maintained complete composure and threw in as many graphic details as possible.

A trait that is harder to pinpoint until it is too late is manipulation and con-based activities. Sociopathic people are well known for using others to get what they want. A good example of this is prison inmates who keep pen pals, wooing them through letters. During their incarceration, they have these women acting as puppets on strings, sending money, or fighting for their release. Once they are out, they may marry the women, but only for the intention of emptying their bank accounts before moving on to the next victim. Sociopaths will change colors like a chameleon and do or say whatever it takes to keep someone under their thumb. Once their cover is blown, they typically disappear. However, some are more inclined to continue manipulating the situation from another angle or through another person. The goal is to keep people believing they are innocent and likeable people.

Sociopaths do as little for themselves as possible, resulting in parasitic behaviors. They will mooch off anyone who is willing to "help" them out. Do note though that sociopaths can be parasitic in many ways. Obviously, there is the financial drain that sociopaths can put on their victims. Be it asking for a place to stay, food, gas money, or something more significant, sociopaths can be quite expensive to deal with. In my situation with Psycho Queen, we were already financially strapped, but she managed to demand so much of my husband's time that I had might as well handed her my marriage license and tell her to change the name. If my husband was not at her house working on a vehicle or helping on the farm, she was at our house concocting things she needed his assistance with. Anytime we attempted to shut off our phones or have any time to ourselves, it was quickly interrupted with a knock at the door.

After my personal experience with the Psycho Queen, I hope to never cross paths with another sociopath, yet that is not a realistic expectation. Sociopaths are all around us, from the gas station attendant down the street to those who run major corporations. While it will be hard to not be suspicious of everyone from now on, I suspect that I will be more in tuned to the behaviors of those I meet in the future. Sadly, I believe there is no hope for sociopaths. They will continue to con you as long as you allow it. The best action to take is walk away and do not let them take over your life. My ex-husband still believes the Psycho Queen is "not that bad" and found himself divorced due to it. I can't make him see what I see, but I can sure as hell remove my children and myself from the situation.

Katherine Ramsland, All About Dr. Robert Hare - Expert on the Psychopath, TruTV.com

Classic Traits, The Sociopathic Style