How & If You Should Talk to Your Mother or Mother-In-Law About Sexual Matters

No one wants to do it, whether you are the female or the male in the relationship. And really, no loving mother-in-law wants to hear about it (but a loving one will listen and give advice if called upon). Yes, neither of you - the husband or wife - are even obligated in any way to speak to your mother-in-law about sexual matters in your relationship. In fact, sexual matters should be kept between husband and wife alone unless there is physically something wrong and perhaps a specialist needs to be consulted. But... what if it is your decision as husband and wife to speak with a mother-in-law about these things? If that is your decision, made together, then there are some key points to keep in mind.

Realize that this is a private matter. You only need to say what you want to, and you are not obligated to answer any questions your mother-in-law may further ask once you have brought it up to her. Even the most prying mother-in-law is by no means priveleged to any information you give her, and neither is a so-called "concerned" one. Make sure she understands this, too, by tactfully and kindly making sure that what you speak to her about is not to leave her mouth and travel to anyone else. You may want to be sure of this upfront, and if she doesn't agree then you may want to think twice about furthering the discussion.

Discuss beforehand, as husband and wife, limits of the discussion. Reveal to your mate that you would like to get advice, and of course first of all agree that this is ok to do and with who. And of course, do not proceed with the mother-in-law discussion if it has not been agreed upon by both of you. Nobody wants to bring anyone else into the sexual aspects of marriage unless absolutely necessary and comfortable.

Do not ever reveal disparaging things about your mate. Perhaps you are very frustrated about the sexual relationship, but revealing shortcomings of your spouse to your mother-in-law or mother is absolutely the wrong thing to do.

Realize your mother-in-law's place in this whole discussion. Can she really help you, or is it possible that you are just feeding her information that she is not really privileged to? Sometimes it feels good to talk to somebody about our problems, but when it comes to sexual matters in a marriage, you want to be very careful who you turn to for advice. In this case, it is up to you and your mate to discern whether the discussion would be worthwhile.

Certainly, mothers and mother-in-laws have a wealth of knowledge, and a lifetime of experience. But no matter how close you personally are with her - perhaps you are the daughter, and feel most comfortable turning to your mom (however your husband does not want you to do this) - remember that all things remain in the marriage bond unless mutually agreed upon that it go anywhere else.