How Important is an Age Difference when it Comes to Romance?

People involved in a romantic relationship with a partner who is significantly younger or significantly older than they are, are fond of saying, "Age just a number." Their message is that we are all the same no matter how young or old we are, and all that matters is the feelings two people have for each other. But is this true?

Well, in one sense, yes. People who are years, even decades, apart in age can have highly satisfying relationships. But in another sense, the answer is no. Age is not just a number. A 25-year-old who has a romantic relationship with a 45-year-old is going to have a vastly different experience than they would if they'd had a relationship with another 25-year-old, and a very different experience still if they have a relationship with an 18-year-old. People at different ages have had different experiences, and these experiences are going to affect how they react to the world around them.

For instance, even a very bright 18-year-old is going to think and reason like a very young person at times. They are simply not going to have the capacity for understanding say, a midlife crisis. They may still be under the impression that the world "should" be this way or that way, whereas a 45-year-old may have learned how not to feel terribly hurt when the world doesn't behave as it "should." True, these discrepancies in how one looks at life can happen between people of exactly the same age, but there is a lot of difference between a person who has come across a notion and rejected it and a person who doesn't yet have the capacity to consider it properly.

Then there is the body issues that 45-year-olds invariably have. Things start falling apart. You become aware that your time is limited. You don't particularly care who kissed whom in the dorm hallway because you've been around long enough to know that people are people no matter what else you would like them to be sometimes.

So people at different ages are different, but that doesn't mean that relationships between them can't work, as long as they understand that they may not relate with their partner in the same way they will relate to someone their own age. As unpopular as it may be to say this, it may be good for a young person of 20 to be with a 40-year-old. It is an opportunity for the younger of the two to benefit from the older partner's vast store of experiences and for the older to benefit from the enthusiasm of the younger. The length of the relationship also makes a difference. If they are aware that the relationship is going to be short-term, they will not have to deal with the same issues as they would if they were going to become life partners. The younger of the two will have to come to terms, for instance, with possibility of losing his or her partner to illness, to caring for an older partner while they are still young.

As long as people are aware of the issues, as well as willing and able to deal with them, then people of vastly different ages can have highly rewarding, healthy experiences with each other.