How Important is Discipline and What Kind Works?

It seems young people are more and more independent, lacking in respect for authority and unruly. The "F" word has become a part of the American language, said with no more concern than "apple".

Young people learn one thing well, self importance. There seems to be a generalized acceptance of selfishness, ego and demand for their 'rights'. Certainly youth are more rude and careless of their actions. They push ahead of seniors on the bus, take seats meant for the disabled, and I can't remember the last time I saw a young person with a bus seat offer it to an elder.

Are we becoming a no-manners society? What are we teaching our children about their participation in the world? Recent debate on spanking has been getting press lately. But is physical discipline the answer? Being abused in childhood, I say NO. Hitting teaches children to hit. Parents can go too far, and hitting breeds resentment. No one should use violence to gain control over another. I hear those of you muttering, "Spanking isn't violence." Yes, it is. It is the use of physical power to force someone into a behavior.

It seems to me parents have lost control. All the usual problems contribute. . . latchkey children, fear of being vulnerable to retaliation. Then there is just plain weakness. A child doesn't have to be hit to get their attention. What they need are rules and boundaries. Rules are loving arms that show a child how far they can go. It's scary not to have curfews, limits. Give a child enough freedom and they will stretch it to see how far it will go.

Young children have no experience with the world. A parent's job is to teach them, not throw them into the ocean and see if they drown. This is a dangerous world. A battlefield where you have to have training to survive.

You cannot be wishy-washy! They sense weakness and will take advantage of it to get their way. I raised two children without hitting. It wasn't easy as I was a battered child and the first instinct is to hit. It was a battle to control myself, even though I find violence and physical hurting a sick, heinous practice.

Be the parent! You are in control. Use 'tough love' right from the start. Keep your word and your promises. Never back down once you have given time outs, or whatever you use for discipline. Children who know it won't do any good to whine or throw fits will get learn quickly that doing as told gets the best results.

There was a child I babysat and he was a little hellion. One time I told him to sit in a chair until I told him he could get up. He got up. I put him back in the chair and told him his time was longer now that had disobeyed. He got up again. I spent a miserable hour taking him back to the chair and starting the time over. I was consistent. I showed my firm determination and it worked, albeit at the price of a super headache.

Wolves are wonderful parents. Their system is Alpha male, Alpha female and so on. What the Alpha wolf says is law. Humans could a lesson from the wolves. They lovingly teach their cubs, but never show weakness.

Recently in the downtown area of a large city where I live there was a family walking. One tiny child ran far ahead of the parents. The child reached an intersection with the parents shrieking at them to stop. The unruly child just ignored the calls. Luckily, just as the little one darted into a busy street there was someone who plucked the kid from danger.

You need your child to obey. They need to respond to your voice and your rules. These are the things that keep them safe. It isn't "mean" to discipline a child the right way. It is a show of love and concern, as well as responsibility. Think what might have happened to the child who ran into the street.