How to Improve Your Grandparenting Skills Using Genealogy

In many cases the pursuit of genealogy is done for one's own fulfillment or to leave a historical legacy to family members for decades to come. While this is totally appropriate and consistent with the history of genealogy, a family's genealogical history can help provide a bond between grandparents and grandchildren, especially when a distance separates them. Following are a number of unique ways grandparents can utilize genealogy to create a bond with their grandchildren.

Ask any grandparent about their grandchildren and you are almost guaranteed to be shown not one, but many pictures! This unabashed love of children spans all economic, ethnic, and religious orientations and is truly one of the blessed things that many people have to look forward to as we mature. In his book, The Millionaire Mind (Andrews McMeel Publishing, 2000), author Dr. Thomas Stanley determined that socializing with children/grandchildren was the top activity of millionaires during a 30-day period. This even exceeded tending to their investments!

With the changing demographics of family units and the mobility of young and not so young married couples, the young child of today may not be as aware of their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins as they were in the past, especially if they do not live near these relatives. Although they may have visits with their relatives, do they really know them and how they, the child, fit into the family structure?

A typical scenario is a two year old living on the West Coast with one set of grandparents living in the Midwest and another in the South. One set is known to the child as "Grandpa and Grandma" and the other as "Grampy" and "Grammy." When either visits, the child refreshes their acquaintance and becomes comfortable; but once they depart and another set arrives, the child may get confused as to where these people fit, relative to him or herself.

What can the parents and grandparents do to help the child 'see' their own position in the family, help solidify their relationships with their grandparents, and understand the genealogy of their family?

Grandparents should send dated snapshots or digital pictures of themselves directly to the child by mail. These should be labeled with the name the child uses when talking to them, e.g. Grandpa and Grandma.

The parent can provide a composite frame with a multi-position mat where the child can enter each new snapshot as received.

Depending on the child's age, grandparents can start telling 'family stories' to the children to make them more aware of their recent and distant ancestors.

The art of letter writing should be used, including email when appropriate, as a way to close the geographical gap between child and grandparent when it exists. A hand-written and mailed letter on special occasions is much more likely to find its way into the child's 'memory' box than an email.

Family member accomplishments can be gradually introduced to children to make them aware of the rewards of working hard at a task.

Grandparents can praise the child for their accomplishments, such as being in a grade school play, participating in sports, graduations, etc. This praise can be verbal, written, and also take the form of 'Grandparent Award Certificates' or some visual reminder the child can hang on their wall.

Both the parents and grandparents should stress the role of the family and family unit no matter what form it may take. The visual family tree with informal snapshots and labels is a unique way of accomplishing this. This can be a classical family tree or a "child's family tree."A "Child's Family Tree" is an effective way to let the grandchild see their position in the family, relative to their parents, grandparents, and siblings. Unlike the typical genealogy family tree, this focuses on the child and how people are related to him or her. This allows the child to understand who their nearest relatives are, what the child calls them, e.g. Grammy and Grandpa, as well as where the child fits into the family structure.

The study of a family's genealogy can be very rewarding in and of itself, but it can also have the dual benefit of helping grandparents bridge the geographical and age gap between themselves and their grandchildren.