How to Improve Your Listening Skills

Good listening skills will get you farther than all of your most interesting experiences and stories ever will. People love to be listened to. They will gravitate towards someone who practices active listening and makes them feel important, rather than someone who seems important themselves.

You can improve your listening skills through focusing on the speaker, setting aside emotions, and practicing active listening. Active listening entails giving the speaker verbal and nonverbal cues to let them know what you are paying attention and interested in what they have to say.

As psychologist Karl A. Menninger put it, "Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."

I have struggled with listening skills quite a bit in my life, so I have tried to practice all of the following tips myself. I found that it is possible to improve your listening skills by truly focusing on these pointers.

It is easy to get distracted from listening to a speaker. You might be worrying about how they perceive you, or what you are going to say in return. In reality, good listening skills will impress the speaker more than any answer you give them. In addition, if you focus on listening skills, you will naturally come up with better responses to the speaker, because you will understand their message better.

The first step to improving your listening skills is to focus on the speaker and their subject.

Don't let your mind wander to your response, and don't let the environment around you distract you. If appropriate, you can ask the speaker to move the conversation to a quieter area. Focus on their message, and what they are trying to convey with their words.

Another important skill to work on as a listener is the ability to set aside your emotions and biases and be receptive to the speaker's message. This may be the most difficult part to get right, but if you practice, this is the foundation of good listening skills. The best listening skills in the world will do you no good if you dismiss the speaker's message because you dislike them, or even because you are having a bad day. It takes effort, but it pays to try to forget your previous interactions with the speaker, and keep an open mind to their ideas.

Now that you know how to listen and pay attention, let's talk about active listening. Active listening lets the speaker know that you are paying attention to them, and encourages them. If the speaker loses their train of thought, active listening includes prompting them by reminding them what they were saying.

Some active listening exercises to practice are verbal and non-verbal cues. Verbal cues include saying "uh huh," "I see," and "go on," every so often in the conversation. Non-verbal cues include maintaining eye-contact. One speaker I heard taught us a trick called the "open face." Usually, when we are interested in something, our eyebrows naturally raise up. Make sure that your facial expression is conveying your interest in the speaker's words.

Finally, the best way to force yourself to improve your listening skills is to check your understanding. This involves repeating the speaker's message in your own words, and asking questions. Not only does this show the speaker that you are really paying attention, but it forces you to listen well, so that you are able to repeat their message. If you are struggling with listening skills, focusing on restating their message in your own words is a great exercise, especially if you tend to get distracted by trying to think of what your response to their words should be.

People enjoy talking to you more if you demonstrate good listening skills and practice active listening. In today's work environment, employers look for good interpersonal communications in potential candidates, so don't underestimate the importance of listening skills.