How to Increase Your Child's Self-Confidence

As parents, it is our goal to say what we mean and mean what we say. But sometimes we can be unaware that there are hidden meanings behind what we say and do that our children hear loud and clear. These messages can be discouraging to our children and can leave us with missed opportunities to help develop their self-confidence and character.

Read the following interchange:

Child: "Mommy! I can't get this box open!"

Mother: "Let me have it. I'll do it."

On the outset, this interchange does not seem that problematic. But what is the mother actually saying to her child? She is actually saying, "I don't think you can figure that out," or "I don't have time for you," or "You are not capable." Let's try the same exchange again with a different response:

Child: "Mommy! I can't get this box open!"

Mother: "Hmm . . . I think you can. Try once more."

Hear the difference? The child will too. She will think, "She thinks I can do this. Maybe I can. I'll try again." By adopting words and actions that communicate what you believe to be true about your children or what you want them to believe about themselves you will be adding building blocks to a foundation of self-confidence.

See if you can practice this concept by creating your own confidence and character building responses to the examples below:

1) Child drops his or her spoon on the floor. Mom swoops in to pick it up. What message does this send? What could she do or say instead?

2) Brother and sister are arguing. Dad separates them to different parts of the house. What did the children "hear" through their dad's actions? What did they learn about conflict resolution? What could he have done instead?

3) Child complains that he can't do his homework. Mom sits down and does it for him. What does the boy "hear" about himself in this interchange? What could she do differently?

4) Daughter hurts a friend's feelings. Dad immediately has her write an apology note. What was missing from the dad's response? What could he have done instead to develop her character?

As you go through your day today, monitor the hidden meanings in your words and actions toward your children. Seize every opportunity to send messages that will build up their confidence and character.