How Infertility Changed My Life

When I was young I dreamt of the day I would marry and have children.I always wanted three or four children. I was one of four and I knew how great it was to have sisters and a brother. Little did I know my body would play a cruel trick on me. This trick was known as infertility. Infertility affects both men and women alike. There are several forms of infertility including PCOS,ovulation problems,sperm issues,blocked fallopian tubes,and many others. Infertility can cause many struggles in a relationship.Sometimes it can be to much for a marriage to handle,and it falls apart. The stress of planning every intimate encounter and all the different medicines can be very hard for couple to cope with.

When I first began trying to have a baby we didn't plan anything or see any Doctors.We just had fun and didn't use any methods of birth control. After six months of trying and nothing happening we decided to talk tot he Doctor and see if he had any advice. I mean how hard can it be. We knew the birds and the bees and were making every attempt we could to try.

After seeing the Doctor we were told to start charting my basal body temperature and to keep track of my body's physical signs of ovulation. Okay great I was ready to go.For the next three months I took my temp every morning and document every sign of ovulation my body made. There was only one problem. I still wasn't getting pregnant.This is when I would soon learn of my bodies cruel intentions.

I had never even considered that there was something wrong and I could be dealing with infertility. That was until the doctor informed me that I wasn't ovulating.I knew this was a major issue.After all no ovulation no baby.He suggested we try some infertility medicines and see if they would make a difference. So I was prescribed Clomid. I had no idea about the hell that awaited me. Clomid made me feel like a mad woman who needed to be committed to the local mental ward. One minute I would be the happiest person in the world and the next all I could do was cry. My husband didn't know what to do or say. He was afraid of provoking the terror that was building inside me. This went on for three months. Month after month I just knew it would be the one. I would start having all the symptoms of a pregnant woman except the one that truly counted,a positive pregnancy test.

The doctor referred me to a specialist since it had now been well over a year ,and I had yet to get pregnant. Now the reality was settling in.I had an infertility problem. After several more doctor appointments it was discovered that I had PCOS. This is a condition where each month instead of ovulating,my body turns the eggs into cysts on my ovaries. I felt a little relieve to finally have an answer to why I wasn't getting pregnant. Maybe now I could find a treatment that would allow me to have a child.

Infertility is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life,besides losing my dad when I was only eleven years of age. The hope each month that this is finally the time I will get a positive pregnancy test. Only to be let down once again when it is negative. I would cry and cry. Everyone I knew was having babies.Some were not wanted. I didn't understand how god can allow someone who doesn't want children to have several,but people who want them the most can't.This seems like such a cruel trick. I hated my body for not working like it was supposed to. I felt like such a failure to my husband. Why would he want to stay with me if I couldn't give him children?

In October of 1999 I started feeling sick .I couldn't eat and all I wanted to do was sleep.I thought I had the flu or some virus. Only this sickness wouldn't go away. I was now vomiting all day, everyday for weeks. Could it be? Could I finally be pregnant? No I thought ,this has to be another cruel joke. Except sure enough after a visit to the Doctor I discovered I was indeed pregnant. I can never explain the joy and excitement I felt when I learned I was having a baby. This was only topped by the day my beautiful baby girl was born and I got to hold her for the first time. I had overcome infertility. (or so I thought)

A few months after having my daughter we wanted to try again.Hopefully we wouldn't have any trouble this time. That was six years ago.We have pretty much given up all hope that we'll be able to provide my daughter with a sibling. Sure each month that I get a period there is the slight hope that maybe my body will do like it's suppose to. Then there is always the sadness when I get tricked by the cruel games infertility plays on a person.This is the story of how infertility changed my life.I thank god everyday for allowing me to overcome infertility once and have my daughter.I would never wish infertility problems on my greatest enemy. The heart ache infertility causes is like one you will ever know unless you experience it first hand.

Every time I hear someone is expecting it breaks my heart.While I am thrilled for them I can't help but wonder why we can't be blessed with more children. There are times I see babies on TV and break down and cry. Then other times I think I 'll be alright and can handle not being able to have any more babies. This is short lived by another month and another period . Each time I say I will not get my hopes up. I know with infertility the chances are slim to none, but I can't help to hold out some hope.

One thing infertility has taught me is to never take things for granted. Maybe if I hadn't had to deal with infertility I wouldn't of appreciated my daughter the way I do.