How to Introduce Kink to a Vanilla Partner

The availability of open-minded sexual discussion in the 21st century electronic world, there's never been a better time to be kinky. Yet anyone who's ever had to face the problem of introducing roleplay, fantasy, fetish, or other "wild side" activities to a partner with more traditional tastes knows that reconciling kinky with vanilla in a relationship can be just as difficult as ever. Luckily, with a little careful communication, sensitivity, and patience, introducing your partner to the world of kink can be successful and fun.

Get comfortable with the basics.

Before introducing the more wild and crazy activities into a new relationship, it's a good idea to work on getting comfortable with your sexual chemistry as a couple with some vanilla activities. Learn to communicate, be comfortable together, and the basics of how to please one another before moving on to more challenging tasks.

Present your interests as a boon, not an obstacle.

One of the most common mistakes made with introducing kink is to bring it up with a sense of foreboding, a feeling that's usually the result of unnecessary shame. Instead, treat your kink like a quirk at worst and an adventure at best. Be confident and expect that your partner treat you with respect, and if he or she feels a bit awkward at first, don't take it personally.

Take it slow.

Especially if your fantasies are elaborate and complicated to pull off, start things out simple at first. Incorporate early activities that don't create a dramatic change in your normal sexual routine. For example, if your kink is heavy bondage, don't whip out 20 yards of rope and a book of elaborate knotwork, just start with a couple of silk scarves and the headboard.

Be grateful.

Compliment and thank your partner for the indulgences being granted. This is especially important if your partner feels awkward about what whether or not he or she is doing the activity in question "right." Be sure, always, to make it clear that you enjoy the activities in question because you can do it with them.

Respect your partner's boundaries.

While it's reasonable to expect your partner to indulge you in activities that are harmless (if somewhat odd), any kink you enjoy that involves any elements of power play, pain, danger, dubious legality or "gross out" factor may be an activity that you can't, in all fairness, expect your partner to get comfortable with.

Practice give and take.

Remember that your partner's pleasure and satisfaction is just as important as your own and that you will need to balance his or her vanilla needs with your kinky ones. Make an effort to be just as giving and generous in this area as your partner is by indulging your kink.

Establish habits.

Make it clear to your partner that your needs are not a "one time" issue. Explain that you'd like to make these activities a regular part of sexual routine. Come up with a plan for regular kinky activity, whether it's once a week or once a month. This way, you will both know what to expect.