How to Use a Japanese Toilet

Peeing should not be hard. It's a natural function. But just like everything in Japan, there's certain etiquette to follow. I spent a month in Japan and one of my biggest challenges was conquering the Japanese toilets to become queen of the throne.

I had done the research. Lonely Planet's Japan guidebook has a bit about Japanese squat toilets, giving instructions to face opposite the door, straddle what looks to be an implanted urinal in the floor, squat and hold onto the contents of your pockets (gravity tends to pull things out and plop them in the hole). I also found an entertaining Web site with a computer animation on how to use a Japanese squat toilet.

Ah! Memories of the first time with a Japanese squat toilet. Let me tell you, they really weren't invented for nylon-wearing women. Straddling the hole and keeping the nylons out of the line of fire takes balance. I found new leg muscles but with the first run, I discovered a thing called splatter. I learned from my mistakes thereafter.

But not all Japanese toilets are squat-style, some are Western-style (the ones commonly found in the United States).

It's common to hear the constant sound of running water from modest Japanese women flushing toilets. Apparently, they're a bit shy to the sound of tinkling. Since water was being wasted, a noise box was invented to emulate the sound of flushing Japanese toilets and installed in most public areas. With the purpose being to hide the sound of nature's call, I wonder why the inventor selected the sound of flushing water when it can be anything. Why not Japanese Muzak?

When using a public Japanese toilet, either squat or Western-style, bring tissues. Toilet paper is not very common. Packs of tissues are commonly given away at train stations as product samples. Be sure to grab some. Also carry a handkerchief to dry your hands after you have washed them. Paper towels and hand dryers are uncommon, too.

When staying in a hotel, you can use the bathroom at your leisure. But as a guest in a Japanese home, you'll earn respect when following the culture's customs.

Upon entering a Japanese home, (and most businesses, schools and museums) you need to take off your shoes. You will most likely receive a pair of house slippers to wear. When using the Japanese toilet, the special toilet slippers must be worn. The trick is to switch from the house slippers without the feet touching the floor while slipping on the toilet slippers. In theory, the toilet slippers must NEVER leave the toilet area and the house slippers must NEVER touch the bathroom floor. Being an American-gaijin (gaijin is the Japanese word for foreigner), it is okay to use the doorframe for balance. House slippers should be placed outside the bathroom, facing out.

If you accidentally wear the toilet slippers around the house, your hostess may seem a little hyper, begin speaking very quickly in Japanese then end up mopping your tracks. She reacts this way because the bathroom is considered to be germ-infested and your toilet slippers have just spread those germs throughout the house she so meticulously cleaned.

Despite it being fun to delve into the unknown, my most important piece of advice is not to press unfamiliar buttons on the Japanese toilet. Here in the United States, we believe in K.I.S.S. (keep is simple, stupid) but in Japan, they are the innovators of technology. A simple toilet seat has been converted into a technology masterpiece with all the bells and whistles, almost literally.

It's common for Japanese toilets to have a heating button so behinds don't wince at touching a cold seat, which is a nice treat on those cold mornings. (Why didn't someone from Buffalo, New York invent that?). The magical Japanese toilets do other things, such as wash, rinse, dry and deodorize those private parts. These are wonderful things, as long as the buttons are in English or if you understand the Japanese characters.

And what happens when you stand over the Japanese toilet and push a random button that looks like candy canes? Well, something like a black snake (it's really a skinny black hose) rears its head from under the rim, the head rises and strikes with spitting water. Obviously, you should be sitting on the Japanese toilet during all this because when standing over the toilet bowl watching, you and the bathroom (which is probably lined with a library of manga - Japanese comic books) will get soaked. This may also cause your hostess to appear a little hyper and speak quickly in Japanese.

Many Japanese toilets have a spigot above the tank. When the toilet is flushed, wash your hands with the cold water, which fills the toilet tank. It sounds gross, but the water's clean, it's not the water you just flushed out. It's another way the Japanese are conserving resources.

Remembering Japanese customs, going with the flow and strengthening leg muscles will help you become master of the Japanese toilets on your trip to the Land of the Rising Sun.

Note: JA Huber spent October 2004 in Japan through a cultural exchange program.