How to Keep Adults Safe Online

Brochures are handed out in school like candy thrown from Smokey Bear at a parade. Public officials offer tables riddled with brochures and informational pages in office foyers just overflowing with them. The titles aren't foreign to us. "Keeping Your Kids Safe Online", "Safe Practices for Online Chatting", "Keeping Kids Safe from Online Predators"; the titles are endless. The message resonates everywhere, and as long as the idea is getting through, we feel a sense of comfort about it. Strategies for optimal online safety are entwined in television commercials and magazines, programs are offered as part of a classroom's lesson plan and in after school programs. No matter the method, kids are being taught some of the most basic and vital elements for optimal online safety and security. So many messages, so many lesson plans. The programs are functional. All the literature we see is proving to be productive. The kids are getting the idea. But it is here I have to ask you, what about their parents? What about adults?

The tables are turning and it is becoming the adults who are the new 'lamb in the lion's den'. Adults are just as vulnerable as children to falling victim to online deviance, identity theft and predatory behavior. Adults are falling short in absorbing the lessons that we know are vital to our children's safety. As parents we employ parental controls, chat loggers and site blockers to do our part, but it is not customary to initiate these safeguards for ourselves. And so, adults stumble too.

I don't necessarily subscribe to the idea that adults should just know better, and I am not devoid of sympathy when I hear about an adult who has been victimized online. We are all human. Things happen. The internet's unintended role is to be a person's sword and shield. It can make you as mighty as you want to be while protecting your true identity. It offers anyone an ability to portray whoever they want others to think them to be and allow them to hide who they really are. The absence of face, voice and movement makes a person quite mysterious and, thus, very drawing to others. And it is all in the chatter's control as to how they want to be perceived.

It is common practice amongst those in an online community for participants to try and sell their positive aspects, their good qualities, and just happen to forget at that typing moment their basic flaws. Each person who types about themselves is, in essence typing a resume. I don't know many who would intentionally be so forthcoming as to announce their obvious misgivings when they're trying to sell themselves. So it remains a two way street.

For those who might not subscribe to online chatting, a little idea of why people might engage themselves is in order. There are a myriad of reasons why people like to absorb themselves to deep levels in online chatting. It can be a philosophical and sociological learning process. It can narrow the world and bring cultures and beliefs together. It affords an opportunity to meet someone you would not otherwise have met given geographical limitations. Online chatting can also be an escape from grueling life issues. It can sooth boredom, curiosity, amusement, and it can ease feelings of loneliness.

Whatever the reason for engaging online, as an adult it is just as important to follow guidelines for online safety as it is for children. I've listed what I believe to be the most important elements of personal online safety for all ages, things that I have learned from observing online behavior. I've seen more than a reasonable amount of sad stories to feel an urgent need to approach the topic and bring forth some guidelines, of which I present to you:

Refrain From Giving Out Personal Information - No matter how much you feel that you might trust someone in your chat circle, offer as little personal data as possible. It seems like a no-brainer, but one would be surprised at just how much information a person is willing to divulge without even realizing it. Should someone with ill intent be logged into that chat room, possibly with pen and paper at the ready to jot down new data about you, don't offer the opportunity for pieces of personal data to be divulged. It might not be realized that while only a handful of people are actually typing to one another, there are the silent observers. Online predators hide very well in chat rooms because most times, people are too busy typing to one another to take notice.

Avoid Chatting in Forums With People You Personally Know - If something makes people feel good, they like to talk about it with their family, friends and coworkers. The same holds true in chat forums that make people feel welcomed and a sense of belonging. Some people have the desire to bring along real life friends to share in the fun. But, as with all relationships, conflict can arise. Bringing real life to a chat room can prove to be a source of personal information divulging. This scenario presents the perfect opportunity for your personal data, location, and family make up to come screaming from your friend's fingers in rapid succession. I have had the grim opportunity to personally witness such a display of upset in where one party typed into a forum, the name and personal phone number of her friend because she was angry with her. As with all conflict, people have a need to defend themselves, so they respond with similar behavior. Here lies part two of my example; the friend rebutted with like behavior, also displaying the name and phone number of her angry friend. You now have two problems going on here. First, you have two people who share a friendship, engaging in a fairly injurious argument with one another, and then, you have two people who have exploited personal data to lay before everyone logged into that forum.

Forever Remain Skeptical - Never believe wholeheartedly what is being told to you. Let skepticism embrace you. Nobody is ever perfect. Being of a sociological mind, I've searched to meet a Spartan, and I have yet to do so. Nobody is ever without fault and history and, as I stated earlier, the sword and shield affect applies here.

Resist Falling for the 'Victim' or the 'Woe Is Me'Routine - It is a natural fact of life that all people breathe. It is also a fact that some people are so imbedded in their personal woes that they exploit them in chat rooms in a search for consoling and support of others. People respond. Anyone with a good moral foundation loves to console the grieving or pained. Hearts pour out to those in distress. It's through a person's own sympathy that they make themselves vulnerable without even realizing it. They offer personal emails as a source of continued conversing; a link to the grieved that they have support in someone. They might even go as far as offer to talk over the telephone. Let your head keep your heart in check when you stumble across this situation. Be smart about how you choose to console others.

Never Offer Financial Data or Personal Information - Identity theft is the wave of modern day online mayhem that can leave you battling for years to claim the rights to who you are back again. Don't ever give credit card numbers or checking account data to anyone online. Again, sympathetic natures can fall prey to someone else's purported financial strife. Avoid with all your might the impulse to help someone out financially that you only know from an online forum.

Don't Accept Gifts in Your Mailbox - People like to send inspirational and holiday greetings, and there is an enormous list of free online e-cards to satisfy anyone's idea of the perfect card. You can find this list by conducting a simple search. Try to avoid allowing hand written cards to be sent to you. If, for whatever reason, you have to receive cards or gifts of any kind, obtain a post office box in a city or town near you, but not your town. It is strongly advised to never allow items to be delivered to your residential mailbox.

Phone Call Etiquette - If your curiosity gets the best of you and you just want to talk on the phone to soothe your own personal urge or quell curiosity about someone you met in a chat forum, obtain their number and make the call from a cell phone and not your home phone. Block your phone number from being seen through caller ID as most cell phone carriers give you this ability. Keep in mind that you don't know this person in everyday life, you know of them only through reading the text they type. Phone conversations make the leap from online to reality. Remain cautious no matter how nice the voice may sound on the other end.

If You Must Meet, Do So In Public - It happens. Someone piques your curiosity so deeply that you want to know more about them, see them as their world sees them; experience a moment in their presence. If you're looking for online romance, do so smartly. Online dating profiles I find to be a little spooky. The data depicting the person is only the data that person wants you to know. I'm willing to wager that on everyone's profile, there is a fabrication or mistruth somewhere. Let a family member, coworker or friend know what your plans are before hand and arrange to meet this person in a public place. I'll state it again...meet in a public place. Malls, boardwalks, shopping districts, or wherever else you know a large number of people will be congregating on any given day. Think twice about someone requesting you meet in a motel. I know that online relationships usually mean someone from the party is going to have to travel. It is much more common to meet someone online that catches your interest who lives at a fair distance away from you than meeting someone who is in your own neighborhood. Traveling requires securing a place to sleep. Don't meet there.

Protect Your Personal Belongings - Be mindful where you set your wallet or purse down and don't leave it unattended. Leave it locked in your vehicle or inside locked luggage.

Resist the urge to invite a stranger into your vehicle. If you utilize your personal vehicle for transportation with your newly met friend, be mindful of where your purse or wallet is. Utilize your locked trunk if you have to and lock your glove box. Your data is in your vehicle be it on your registration, or on a bill or receipt you may have lying around. We get clumsy and careless with our own space, and our vehicle is our space. Money comes and goes. If you had a few bucks heisted, you can live and learn. Your identity is unique and belongs to you. You can't get another one just because yours was taken. Be mindful of paperwork in your vehicle.

If It's Too Good To Be True, Meet Again - Our parents told us. Our grandparents told us. Even the neighbor down the street said it. If it's too good to be true, it probably is. That is probably the most overused clich� but with the greatest moral behind it. And that's a rule of thumb in all areas of life, not only online. But humans have a malfunction. We have to see if there is someone somewhere who breaks the rules of 'too good to be true'. You have to fight that urge; disillusion yourself. The beauty behind this person is they don't come to you with history; at least the history that you don't know about. While your first visit might have gone off like fireworks on the 4th of July, make it a point to meet again, and yet again before selling your belongings and buying a one way ticket to your friend. Embrace skepticism. It's a feeling that was designed and given to us for a reason. Use it to its maximum benefit.

As a chatter and follower of common sense, it becomes almost a moral duty to point out violations of these rules to those who might have forgotten them. Remind people of their errors if you are reading something they type that you find to be personally revealing.

The online community can prove to be quite entertaining and educational at times. By keeping these basic safety guidelines in mind, joining an online community can be satisfying and fun. If you wish to chat online, like we teach our children, do so responsibly and safely.