How to Keep a Long Distance Relationship Going

Internet relationships have been a norm for years, and now social networking has made meeting someone far from your home as common as meeting the person next door. People meet when they travel for business and take vacations to far-off countries. But long distance relationships can occur when couples are married and your mate is stationed abroad with the military or finds lucrative work overseas. So whether you are single and hoping to create a new relationship, or married and trying to preserve one, learning the dos and don'ts of long distance relationships may be useful.

As a relationship therapist with 25 years of experience, I have worked with many couples who have struggled with this, and I would like to share with you the issues worked on in counseling that have helped others maintain and grow their long distance relationship. Aside from this professional experience, I, too, had a long distance relationship which resulted in me moving from New York City to Mobile, Alabama. Mine didn't last, but I learned a lot from the experience. So with that, I offer you my best personal and professional advice.

The Dos

Do stay in contact often. Speaking to each other nightly might be the right amount. Plan these conversations so you both will be available when the call comes. Surprises are nice, but one of you may be offended if the other cannot take the call. One call a day is enough, although you can try more on weekends.

Use Skype or another video program so that you can see each other and have a greater sense of closeness. Soldiers overseas really need this, but so does everyone else in a long distance relationship.

Do try to actually be together as often as possible. Visit and take vacations together. Try to spend holidays together and meet each other's family. People feel far more connect to each other once they know each other's family.

Do send little gifts that say, "I'm thinking of you."

Both of you read a book and then discuss it. Activities that you can share or projects you can do together unite people no matter how far away they are.

If your self-esteem is poor and you are having trouble, see a therapist to get the help you need to resolve this issue.

The Don'ts

Don't call 10 times a day. It's cute in the beginning but gets tiresome quickly.

Don't be suspicious and jealous just because you are far away. People can cheat anywhere. You want a relationship based on trust and honesty.

Your mate is going to speak to people of the opposite sex. Don't grill then about conversations they may have had with others.

Don't text your mate. People who do this expect an immediate response, and when one is not forthcoming, they tend to get suspicious. Also, it's easy to read the wrong meaning into a text, and you can't hear vocal intonation. So you can misconstrue the meaning of the text.

Don't send erotica over the Internet. You never know where your naked pic will wind up.

Long distance relationships work best if both people trust each other, are willing to make an extra effort to make time for each other and understand that if the relationship is to proceed, one of you is going to have to make a major life change. In my case, I had lost a great job to a privatization and decided it was time to move. He supported that, until I arrived. Then he questioned his decision. Don't relocate for any reason other than you really love each other and want to be together.