How to Keep Your Religious Beliefs from Influencing Your Child

It's a common problem for religious parents. You have worked hard to come to a peaceful personal view on spirituality for yourself, however you don't feel inclined to pass on that same identical belief to your child. After all, you likely came to your current state after years of conflict between your family's views and what you felt to be right, and you wish for your child to have the freedom to make his/her own discoveries. However, you feel strongly in your own beliefs, so how can you teach your child to respect your religious views while encouraging him/her to seek out enlightenment on his/her own? While there's no one right way or proven method, the following suggestions on how to keep your religious beliefs from influencing your child may help you develop a healthy balance in your home. Consider the following tips on how to practice your religion while maintaining an open spiritual and emotional atmosphere for your child.

Tip #1: Teach morals based on right and wrong rather than on religious principles. Religious beliefs and moral systems often go hand in hand, and quite often we can all agree that the most basic concepts that tie religions together are well grounded. However, sometimes a religion will teach right or wrong based more on tradition than common sense and respect for others. It may be a good idea to let your child decide for him/herself whether or not to adopt views on morality based on tradition for him/herself later on.

Tip #2: Encourage questions that lead to spiritual discovery. Worse than having a religion that is merely adopted from one's parents is never having questioned the nature of one's spirituality at all. Be sure that your child is at least thinking about the nature of the human soul, or he/she may find themselves on a very unenlightened path as an adult.

Tip #3: Encourage a love for all others and a respect for all belief systems. A common cause for rifts among those of different faiths is a lack of general tolerance. Most people who decide to follow a religious practice (or not to) are rational, good people who deserve respect for their decisions. Encouraging your child to respect and love all others regardless of differences in beliefs will not only help him/her become a more well-rounded individual, but it may also come in handy should the two of you eventually disagree on issues of faith and spirituality.

Tip #4: Treat the resolution of religious conflicts as a healthy journey. If your child has a problem with or question about your religious beliefs, encourage him/her to seek out the answers that you may not be able to provide. Even if your hope is that they will happily and easily accept your own beliefs as their own, it may be more realistic to give your child a chance to explore their doubts. It may not lead them to your own beliefs, but chances are they will at least come to know themselves better throughout the process.

Tip #5: Consider attending religious services where ideas can be expressed openly. While it's only logical that young children attend religious services with their parents for the sake of child care and convenience, you may want to take a second look at what your child is being taught. Is he/she being indoctrinated, or are his/her questions addressed thoroughly by the teachers? Are newcomers strongly encouraged to immediately adhere to all of the congregation's beliefs, or are they given a chance to express their own thoughts? Is it assumed that everyone must have identical views on all issues, both major and minor? If so, you may want to consider taking your child with you only to religious venues that are open to questions, doubts, concerns, and new perspectives from others (including children).

Tip #6: In your household, focus on the spiritual journey that life offers to us all rather than on one specific religious path. If you truly wish for your child to find their own sense of fulfillment without your direct influence, teach him/her about the questions and answers that religion/belief systems provide to multitudes of people rather than on whether one is right or wrong. Most religions are based on the common mysteries of who we are, where we came from, why we're here, and where we'll go next. Going on a path of discovery to find one's own answers is an important process that can be taught in any home.

Remember, the above tips are only guidelines. Many parents feel that allowing their children to take part in their religious activities as they grow up can offer them a sense of morals, character, and identity. Religion often also offers a healthy way to create meaningful relationships with others. Don't deny your child those important elements, but keep in mind that at some point he/she will inevitably start asking questions of his/her own. When that day comes, you'll have created a home that is open to their curiosity and need for further growth.