How to Keep Your Sanity When Being A Step-Mom

Being able to stay sane and grounded is difficult for any mom. But step-motherhood is even harder because you are taking care of someone else's children. And believe me, it is not the easiest thing to become a part of something that's already been established and to raise children "as is," rather than "from scratch." Here are five ways to help you stay sane and hopefully ease the journey into step-motherhood.

1. Take care of yourself first and foremost.

If you do not take care of yourself, you are not happy. If you are not happy, everyone else around you picks up on that vibe, and they end up unhappy. Make it a point each day to do something nice for yourself, even if it's just for five minutes or as long as a couple hours. It could be something as small as waking up fifteen minutes earlier than eveyrone else to enjoy a cup of coffee in solitude or taking an extra five minutes in the shower. The point is to be sure to take care of your needs first.

2. Always keep the communication lines open with your husband.

Especially where children are concerned, communication between parents is important. With step-children, however, it's even more crucial because both you and your husband need to be on the same page when it comes to taking care of or disciplining them. Not only that, if you have any concerns or questions regarding your role as a step-mom or if you have mixed feelings, open up to your husband and express those feelings to him. Holding them in will only build a wall between the two of you. Although it may not be a good idea to let him know that you despise his children (if you do feel that, at least be honest with yourself), it may be better to discuss with him ways to deal with the kids or ask him to help you understand them.

3. Try not to take your step-children's negative feelings or negative actions personally.

Yes, it's easier said than done. In many blended families, the step-kids act out in disapproving ways toward the step-mom. And most time, their behaviors are not specifically aimed at her. The kids become the victims in broken households. They did not choose to be in the situation they are in, and it pains them to not have control over it. They are caught in the middle and torn between two parents whom they love. The step-mom becomes the scapegoat. They can't blame their parents so they target the outside person, the new member of their broken home. It may be difficult at first to not take their feelings and actions personally, but a way to cope with it is to try to put yourself in their shoes. Imagine what it must feel like to be in their situation. If you came from a broken home as well, you can certainly empathize with them. Constantly reassure yourself that things will get better in the long run. However, if they resort to physical harm toward you, you definitely need to alert your husband right away.

4. Make sure to spend alone time with dad.

As with any relationship with children, mom and dad time virtually becomes non-existent. If you have joint custody of the kids, make it a priority to spend quality time together when the kids are away. Take advantage of the alone time that you have. If you also have children together or have full-custody of your step-children, schedule your "dates" ahead of time so you can make any necessary arrangements.

5. Make sure you have social support.

This may be a time in your life when you might need your own family members or your girlfriends the most. They might not fully understand what you are going through as a step-mom, but spending time with them will distract you and take your mind off the stress. Although you might be inclined to vent your head off, try to resist that and immerse yourself in having fun and being with good company. You are still entitled to have a life and have a good time while you're at it.

No matter how you look at it, motherhood will always be a challenge. And step-motherhood is no different, except for a few factors. But don't let those factors, your step-children, stop you from having a happy, grounded, sane life. It is possible to find happiness in a blended family.