How to Keep Your Wedding Free from Unwanted Guests

Weddings use to be small, intimate affairs where brides would wear their best dresses and grooms a newly pressed suit. An elopement or small wedding would take place in a community church followed by punch and mints. The newlyweds might spend the night at a cozy Inn or at their relatives home until they bought their own.

Today, weddings are topping the 5-digit, and sometimes even 6-digit budget. Gowns are made of silk and organza and beaded to perfection. A-list guest lists include colleagues and old family friends you haven't seen since you were a kid. But what about those of us who want an intimate wedding reserved only for loved ones and a modest budget that can leave room for drinks and dancing?

You send out the classic wedding invitation with a plus 1 invite, choosing not to have children at your special day. Or you decide your close friends, who are single, can all team up at the wedding together and decline to write 'Plus 1'' on their invitations at all. But then when the responses start flooding in, your temper starts to flare when you see plus 1's written in, or a note from your cousin that she'll be bringing along her three kids and new baby. Or you overhear single coworkers talking about who to bring to your wedding. What do you do? Look like the bad guy and set your guests straight or see a sea of stranger's faces as you walk down the aisle?

The answer is a little of both. The first step is sending out a save-the-date email to close friends and relatives. Some of your family who adheres to strict etiquette may require a hand-written note, which is also fine.

A save-the-date email will serve two purposes:

1) To alert everyone to the date of your wedding
2) To use this casual medium to let everyone know bringing guests or children is not allowed

When offering up this rule, keep it light and appeal to their personal side. "We'll be getting married on June 2nd and are so excited to see all of you. Due to the (insert reason here) size of the venue, guest list, budget, evening hour reception, we'll only be inviting adults to our special day. But we're happy to provide a list of qualified babysitters in the area to help out."

You can also privately spread the word to single friends that you're not going to provide a 'Plus 1' for their dates on their invitations to keep the cost down. Assure them they can sit with their friends and other single guests at the reception. Do not mix up the tables hoping guests from both sides of the family can all get to know each other and bond. It will only serve to make your single friends feel awkward and cousins wish they were sitting with their own family.

Regardless of your best efforts, many of your single friends will internalize the situation. They'll think because you're very close friends, they are exempt from this rule. And besides, once you understand how embarrassed and uncomfortable they are about going alone, they just know you'll change your mind. You'll also find some of your guests will be offended at the "no children" request and even offer up cash to cover the cost of their additional guests. Let them know you really appreciate the offer but feel it would not only be inappropriate to take their money, but it would create problems with your other guests who aren't allowed to bring their own children.

If you're still getting pressure from a difficult friend or relative, firmly tell them "I'm really sorry this has caused you so much stress, but I'm not the only one planning this wedding. My fiancée and relatives and future in-laws have put a lot of hard work, effort, and money into this wedding and I can't just disrespect our group decision regarding our guest policy." And if they still won't budget on the request to bring along children and dates, let them know you understand if they're unable to make it to your wedding.

However, take some responsibility in your decision. Weddings are not an occasion to scream "It's my day!" and expect the world to follow. Make sure everyone knows upfront and in advance about the rules. If you spring it on them the day before the wedding, you'll be met with tense smiles and toxic feelings. And don't leave off a friend's spouses from a guest list just because you don't care for their company. While it's understandable to request a child-free wedding, it's not acceptable to exclude wives and husbands to save a few bucks.

Remember that at the end of the day, your wedding should be about bringing two families and group of friends together. Not two families and a roomful of strangers you'll never see again.