How Keeping Toddlers on a Schedule Can Backfire

Some kind of structure is important to everyone's life, but can well-meaning parents take scheduling too far with their toddler?

My brother and his wife have a daughter I'll call Denise. I visited them a few weeks after Denise turned 2. They used to live in town and from time to time would visit my parents when I was there. This is when I became acutely aware that everything centered around Denise's "schedule."

I'd always hear, "She's on a schedule," or, "We have to stick to her schedule," whenever my brother would prematurely leave my parents' house after a holiday dinner, or cut some other visit short, because "Denise is on a schedule." I kind of thought that was odd. I mean, what harm would come Denise's way if she was put to bed an hour later than usual?

I might add that never, during any of these times, did Denise ever become difficult. She was always good-natured and low-maintenance. And this adds further to the strangeness of this schedule-obsession, which included pin-pointed times for napping and night-time sleeping.

So when I visited them in their new home, out of state, shortly after Denise turned 2, I realize just how carried-away their parents were with "the schedule."

We all went to I-HOP for breakfast. I noticed that Denise had hardly touched her cut-up pancakes. However, she had devoured a big bowl of grapes. Essentially, she ate only the grapes, one bite of pancakes, and a few French fries off of a fried chicken-and-fries plate that her mother had ordered for the girl. Denise had more food on her plate, in addition to the pancakes, which she didn't touch. I commented that Denise wasn't eating her pancakes, and I asked if she liked pancakes in general.

Her mother said, "Well, she already had breakfast."

Now folks...what's wrong with this picture? I said something like, "Why did she already have breakfast?"

Her mother replied, "We have her on a schedule."

I just couldn't help but add more feedback to this, because quite frankly, feeding your child two breakfasts-in the name of sticking to a schedule-is ridiculous. I always thought that hunger and nutritional needs should be the cue for meals. The mother didn't say, "Well, she has a huge appetite and we normally feed her two meals in the morning anyways."

The mother then defended her stance by asking me if I myself were on a schedule. I said, "No, I don't always eat the same time, nor the same length of time after I awaken." She said something about how I still had a schedule that I stick to. It's interesting to note that neither Denise's mother, nor father, would ever eat breakfast at home, if they had plans to go to I-HOP for breakfast. I guarantee that.

Here's the problem with feeding Denise two breakfasts in the name of a schedule:

1) It encourages overeating. Childhood obesity is sweeping the nation, and feeding kids for reasons other than hunger or nutrition is one sure way to encourage eating habits that have nothing to do with a true need for food.

2) The real world is unpredictable and full of surprises. By keeping their daughter on a fixed, rigid schedule that absolutely cannot be broken, this will not prepare Denise to deal with the real world. How is she going to learn how to deal with change? She'll expect everything by the clock.

Do you know an adult who hates change? Who freaks when things don't go his or her way, who has a hard time adjusting to unforeseen events? Perhaps this is a person whose parents couldn't bare to stray from an early-childhood schedule.

This is childhood psychology 101, common sense 101. The real world is uncertain, and this uncertainty begins in the preschool classroom. A toddler who is conditioned to a precise schedule will have a difficult time being flexible, and this problem could very well follow Denise throughout her entire life.