How to Make Your Kids to Listen With No Yelling Involved!

Authority is defined as "the power or right to give orders or make decisions." As parents we are responsible for making sure our children are physically and emotionally safe and secure. We should naturally make decisions on our children's behalf to ensure their safety. But how do parents assert their authority without becoming an authoritarian and being viewed as a dictator or unfair and unconcerned with their child's opinions and feelings?

Every child vows never to use the phrase "because I said so" like their parents did, but when they have children it will inevitably slip. Telling your child to do something and not giving a reason can harbor resentment within your child because they feel as though there is no reason to do what you say other than you are bigger and older. Giving your child a reason to do what you say, (ie. if you run you might fall and hurt yourself, don't pull the cat's tail because it hurts her and you might get scratched, we don't hit b/c it's not nice and hurts our friends) gives them a reason to listen to you, and puts you in the role of adviser so later they will look to you, and respect, your advice.

Giving your child choices instead of always dictating what they should do allows you to still have authority; you pick which choices they can choose from, but your child is still allowed the opportunity to make choices independently and feel involved. Granted if your child is about to run across the street you should make them stop right away without any choices, but simple everyday battles are a great way to exercise authority and give choices. If your child wants to drink soda with dinner, instead of saying no you will have milk, give them a choice between milk, juice, or water all healthy alternatives. This way your child still gets to pick what they want and you still get to control what they drink.

When your child gets older discussing consequences and rewards instead of always telling your child what to do is a great way to use your authority without being viewed as an authoritarian or dictator. Ask your older child or teen what possible consequences can arise from negative behavior, whether it be getting hurt, making a friend mad, or more serious like breaking the law or jeopardizing their future. Ask them how they will feel if they continue doing a negative behavior and the consequence happens. Same with rewards, ask them how their positive behavior will impact their life and the lives of the people around them. Discussing consequences and rewards will make decision making easier for children because they will have a good understanding of how their decisions will affect their lives.

In the end, parents have the right and obligation to make decisions to ensure their children's safety. Giving reasons, choices, and openly discussing rewards and consequences will give parents the authority they need without being an authoritarian or dictator.