How to be Kind and Comforting to Your Child During Divorce or Separation

Divorce and separation can be hard on all parties involved, especially the kids. The mind of child is filled with sorrow and sadness during these times and it is vitally important for their well being that you remain as calm as possible when discussing matters with them.

My daughter and I went through a divorce five years ago. It was very hard on her and she cried for hours the first night in our new apartment. Consoling her was a challenge, but one that I was determined to meet and surpass. I've read so many articles and books regarding the effect of divorce on children. Movies and television shows depict these situations with humor and heartache.

From the very first night, I held my daughter and told her repeatedly how much her dad and I both loved her. Then the whys came up. Why did we leave? Why don't you love daddy anymore? These were tough questions to answer for myself much less to answer so that a five-year-old could understand. The following phrases are some of the things that I told my daughter about our divorce.

Mommy and daddy, both, love you and will always love you.
None of this is your fault.
You did nothing bad to make this happen.
Mommy and daddy do love each other. We will always be friends.
You are so special and we are so proud of you.
You are the best daughter a mother and father could have.
You can see your dad when you want to.
We both will always be there when you need us.
Holidays will be twice as fun!
Not everyone can have two mothers and fathers. You get two times the amount of love.
If your daddy gets remarried, your new mom will be my friend, too.

The above-mentioned suggestions are mixed with heartfelt sentiments and humor. I have found the best way to deal with these situations is with some humor. Don't be so quick to drown in the sorrow. The kids will follow suit and become depressed adolescents. No one wants that for his or her children. After five years, my daughter seems to have a handle on the situation. She sees her dad and they have developed a great relationship. We haven't allowed her to play both sides of the fence, so to speak. The most memorable conversation she and I had about the divorce happened when she was six. She asked me, "Mom, if we win the lottery, can we all live in a big mansion together?" I replied, absolutely.