How to Know when to Let Your Teenager Have Freedom?

As a parent of a 15-year-old teenage daughter and a 12-year-old son, this is a very difficult choice that a parent has to make. There is so much that is going on in our world that when I was a teenager if it was this bad, I certainly do not remember hearing about it. There have been numerous attempted abductions in our area over the years and it is very hard to get this out of your head. On the other hand, I know that if I completed sheltered them they could not learn to be responsible or earn the right to be trusted. My husband was the one who told me to trust our kids and to let them have some freedom, which they deserved. This is not to say that this just happens over night.

Many factors need to be considered and it does take time. Over and over since they started school I stressed the importance of good grades and working hard in school. If they did not do well in school then their freedom time would be limited. As the years went on this was still the basis for what my children were allowed to do. If they did not do well in school then they would not have the freedom to do the things they wanted. For the last five years both of my children have succeeded in making the honor roll. This in turn has allowed them more freedom. Of course if they abuse their freedom by doing things they are not allowed, or lying to me where they are or not letting me know when they will be late they will lose privileges.

We started by allowing them short amounts of time where they could go somewhere they want and eventually extended the time. We also make sure that we know the other children they are with. I still have trouble letting them go, it is really hard and each time they come back from somewhere I do breath a sigh of relief. I believe deeply that I have raised them to be respectful, responsible good people and this does help me to let them go out in the world.

My best advice would be to start small, make sure school is always top priority and basis to have any freedom at all. Believe in yourself that you have raised them and taught them well and slowly let them go. Have rules that they understand such as keeping in touch as their plans change from one place to another. In my case, I offer to do much of the driving for my children and their friends. This helps me to feel more comfortable about who they are with and that they have arrived to where they are going safely. My children both know that should they be faced with a situation they are uncomfortable with I will be there immediately. Other parents who have witnessed your children's behavior when you are not around are also a good source to keep you informed that they are behaving when you are not around.

Bottom line, follow your instincts, follow your heart, trust your parenting, trust your children, at least until they give you reason not to.