How Do I Know What is Right for Us? Part 2 of 2

In Part 1 I told you about a situation involving Walt, a former co-worker of mine, who's wife, Shay, accused him of infidelity. Shay admitted to him that she had no proof; just a feeling. Walt stated that he'd been walking the straight and narrow and, despite the tension this issue has caused in his relationship, chose not to discuss the situation any further with his wife. Basically, he said he didn't care what she thought as long as he knew he wasn't cheating.

It was obvious that Walt wanted to discuss the situation with us (myself and 2 other co-workers having lunch at the time) because he wanted feedback. I first asked Walt if his marriage to his wife was important to him. He said that it was. I told him that he should really consider the question again, because there is no way you can have a successful marriage to a person unless the person and what they felt were also important. I suggested to Walt that there may likely be something he had changed in his regular 'pattern of things', and that even if Shay didn't see it, she felt it. That's not what Walt wanted to hear. It became obvious to us that were sitting with Walt that he was simply trying to find a way to 'break' Shay and "get her straightened out", as he put it. He didn't really want advice or a contrasting point of view. He wanted support for his position on the issue.

The final outcome of Walt and Shay's situation was that they never dealt with it. They never spoke about it again, walked around the house they shared with the same tension until just kind of 'wore off'. Basically, they just swept it under the rug as many people do; unresolved, waiting to be reactivated by a future issue.

Whether or not Walt and Shay's marriage will endure the test of time depends on a lot of things. It's quite possible that these two people's expectations of what a marriage should be is actually being fulfilled. As crazy as that may sound, they are not the only people I've met that live with these types of situations. Many actually grow old together.

Of course, no committed relationship is without its share of occasional problems. Personally, I could not live in a marriage with unresolved issues. My wife and I have a strong bond, and communication is has been the key to that. We basically have the same goals for our marriage, and I'm certain of that because of our level of communication. It does not mean we're never confronted with issues. But, because we love and respect each other's opinions, AND are on the same page about what a successful marriage means to us, it makes it easier for us to resolve those issues.... Because we WANT THE SAME THING.

Ever see something going on in someone else's relationship and say to yourself, "I could never deal with that!"? I say it to myself (and sometimes to my wife) all the time. And that's ok to say for you and me. But, in all fairness, as long as those 2 people are on the same page, and no laws are being broken, who is to say THEIR relationship isn't working?

My main concern for Walt and Shay was whether or not THEY were on the same page. Its human nature that I would see some things in their marriage that I don't believe should be in ANY marriage. But, I placed my personal morals and ideals aside in the hopes of finding out what would work best for THEIR marriage. I even impressed upon Walt to forget about what I or anyone else thought he and Shay should do and concentrate on what is best for THEM.