How to Know when to Serve a Drink

Chrisdavy
Chrisdavy, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Dec 23, 2009 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."
The distinguished host knows how to gently lead his guests towards a proper drink choice depending on the evening's activities. You don't want those hot chicks you so cleverly fooled into coming to your pervy pad falling out on you before you've had a chance to properly spit game. This article will clue you in as to what effects drinks have on people, and how to give your guests the most enjoyable bar experience possible!
  1. Step 1
    At the beginning of the evening, you want to serve APEREITIFS. What word does it look like? APPETIZER? Maybe? Yeah? Not so much? Well, whatever, cuz that's what it means in French. Comes from Latin. What do aperitifs do? WHET THE APETITE. They are light and open, just like your women should be at the beginning of the evening. (Get the heavy or closed women a Bud Light and show em the ice tray.)

    Aperitifs include: DRY MARTINI, MANHATTAN, the BRONX, the SIDECAR, or the WHITE LADY. If you are at a bar, order these shaken, not stirred.

  2. Step 2

    DIGESTIFS are exactly the opposite -- served after a meal or at the end of an evening to relax, or to create an atmosphere of sensuality. These drinks contain your heavier elements, like brandy, Kahlua, milk, egg yolk, etc. After you have enjoyed refreshment and titillating conversation, put your ladies in a relaxed mood with drinks of this sort.

    Digestifs include: WHITE RUSSIAN, BRANDY ALEXANDER, or the B&P.

  3. Step 3

    RESTORATIVE drinks are for the morning after -- when you need to get that b@%#$ out of your bed and into her car. Any of these drinks may be served with ice water or a simple Aspirin tablet to help unawkwardize the Walk of Shame. You've heard of many of these drinks.

    Restorative drinks include: BLOODY MARY, VIRGIN MARY, and the PINK GIN.

  4. Step 4

    You've heard of most of the drinks on my lists, but my guess is that you were drinking them at the WRONG TIMES. And you wonder why you've been in such a dry spell. (Ex. Don't let your Vegas date drink Bloody Marys at 6 pm.) Remember: You are a host at all times. You must lead your guests towards the correct drink choice. Young Paduwan, you have much to learn. Stick with me and these articles I'm writing -- I'm here to help.

Published by Chrisdavy

AC's licentious, guilty pleasure. What can I say? I write about sex and money. You know, the important stuff. Giggle. (But I do it so well!) Fashion, too. LOL  View profile

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