How Do You Know You're in Love?

Love, lust, infatuation...how do you know it's love and not the other similar feelings? I don't think you do at first. Attraction, either intellectual or physical usually comes first. Maybe you've noticed that the friend you enjoy the most is a member of the opposite sex. Infatuation or a crush can last forever and never be acted upon. Lust is just one of those powerful feelings that is hard to explain with logic but not impossible, because something about that other person just turns you on. Being truly in love is far more complicated.

Love is the same yet different from those other feelings. Unlike lust or infatuation love lasts. It remains when you find out that the object of your affections has terrible faults, or personality warts as I like to call them. It lasts long past that initial "in love" feeling that turns you in to a sixteen year old again, waiting by the phone, laughing to yourself and smiling all the time. It lasts.

Love, real love, isn't readily explainable. The reasons behind the love feeling may not be obvious to others or to yourself.

Love remains when your loved one does something stupid; makes a fool out of him or herself in front of your family or friends. Love feels good but it can also feel just awful when you are away from each other. This is sometimes explained as feeling "lost" or "incomplete." We are not all fortunate enough to obtain lasting love but when we do we know how lucky we are.

One of my favorite metaphors for love is based on the feeling we feel when we "fall in love" with our six month old infant. Now be honest, isn't that is just the best, most beautiful and talented six month old you have ever cast your eyes on? Your arms feel empty and you ache if you have to be away from your baby for even a couple of hours. This is irrational as we all know intellectually that not all six month old babies are beautiful or talented. We feel awful and even at wit's end when they cry all night but we don't throw the baby out with the bath water. We suffer through it, just as we may suffer through a bad time with our beloved, knowing that at the end of the bad time there will be good times again. You just know that in your gut, no question about it.