How to Learn to Love Yourself

Most of us have some, if but tiny, level of self hatred. This self criticism is caused primarily by a difference between what we imagine our lives should be, and what we actually produce. This makes up approximately 70% of all human self masochism. We want change and we want it now. However, there is a noticeable absence of giving ourselves credit for what we are doing or for how much progress we have made. The absence of success is reveled in much more than the presence of success.

Separate yourself from others and their opinions. You will never achieve self love if your opinion of yourself is based upon others' opinions of you. It does not matter if you are the most popular kid in high school or if you keep up with the Jones' better than everyone else, if you base your self worth on their perspectives, it will be a fleeting self image. If they show nonchalance or disinterest in your affairs or accomplishments, then your world will be shattered and you will strive even harder to gain their love and attention. However, if you respect yourself and know that who you have created yourself to be is kind, trustworthy and valuable, it does not matter what outside opinions are, for they will never breach your inner peace.

Separate yourself from yesterday and tomorrow. Many people either live in the past or get ahead of themselves and only concentrate on the future. Right now, right here, today, think about what and who you are within this moment. Do you feel a sense of emptiness? Perhaps you have not invested enough in your personal development. Do you feel a sense of pressure? Perhaps you have not planned ahead for the future. This is the time when you fully experience who you are and what you are worth in your own mind. When you understand where you are coming from, then you have far better perspective on where you should be going. It is during this time that you will be able to determine how much of your past behavior has been tailored to the opinions of others, and how much you actually wish to continue in the future.

Bringing the package back together. Now that you have a cleaner and more emotion-less head, you can bring your viewpoint in line with others, return the past and the future circumstances in your life to their rightful places, and truly evaluate your goals and current situation. Have you been straying off course because a valued opinion informed you of a better goal? Should you be listening to someone else who you have heretofore stubbornly ignored? These questions will all be more easily answered when you have a strong sense of self and self worth.

Steps to enjoy your uniqueness. Ask your spouse or a close loved one to make a list of ten things they really like about you. This may seem a little disingenuous, but the truth is, they can easily find ten things they sincerely enjoy about you. Do not tell them that you are doing this, but while they are making their list or prior to asking them to do that, make a list of twenty things you like about them. These things can be physical attributes, taste in dress, attitude, generosity, toughness, strength, etc. This way, they understand that this is not a purely selfish request on your part and they will also feel better about themselves.

Spend a weekend vacation alone. Seriously, pack your bags for a hotel stay and do not go out onto the town, unless to dine out by yourself. Relax, luxuriate and be very still and quiet. This time spent with yourself is so sweet, so precious, that space around you will seem to stop moving. Do this to ground yourself, rather than joining a group of hippies and traipsing around the mountains. Mountains are beautiful, but unless you are truly alone, they can be just another distraction from your sense of self.

Express your passion. When we are wrapped up with what we "must" do or "have to" do and leave our loves and passions and ideas in the dust, then we are making a statement about ourselves. This statement is that we do not value ourselves enough to actually set aside time to just do whatever we want to do, even if it is nothing. Do not let life, time or other people intrude onto your time of indulging in your passions. Set this time aside for only doing what you love, and nothing else.

Learning to love yourself can seem tricky, but it is really very simple. It can seem as if you are one of those "self-discovery" wanderers who never seem to truly have a home, but it will ground you in who you are, rather than who you want to be seen as. Loving yourself can seem like a waste of time, but it is rather the beginning of moving forward with your life.

Sources:

http://www.artofloving.com/love/loveyourself.htm