How to Leave Your Abuser

No matter how hard it may be to leave an abusive relationship, when you are completely fed up with being hit on, verbally assaulted, and tormented by your abuser, you will do whatever it takes to get out of the situation. Some people find it extremely hard to leave because they feel as if they can fix the abuser and make them into a better person. Some people are afraid to leave because they know that abuser might attempt to kill them if they are caught leaving. Whatever the reason, whatever the motive, if you are being abused you need to escape as soon as possible.

If your children are witnessing you being battered, there is a very strong possibility that they too will suffer from mental anguish and other problems that can be associated with depression. Your children may grow up and abuse their own children or spouse because of the learned behavior. The longer you stay in a situation, especially with children involved, the harder it is going to be for your children when and if you come up dead.

You have to be strong in an abusive situation. You have to realize that your children and your deserve better and that your life has to be worth more than being kicked, punched, slapped or punished because your abuser has mental issues. You cannot be afraid of the consequences your abuser will have to endure once they are finally behind bars. You need to do whatever it takes to rid yourself of this horrible burden.

Before you decide to walk out that door and never look back, you will need a plan; a strong plan that can help you make it out safely. The Oprah Winfrey Show came up with a wonderful plan to help people who are trying to leave an abusive situation successfully. Please read further, this information may save your life.

Making your personal plan:

This is the first step to your plan; you need to plan out what you are going to do. This may mean finding out where a local woman's battered shelter is, calling a relative out of town and asking to come and stay with them, or renting out an apartment across town. Wherever you plan on going, you need to make sure that you have accommodations and that the place is somewhere safe where you abuser cannot find or contact you.

Make a code word for people you trust:

Coming out and saying, "He just beat me you need to call the police for me immediately", while the attacker is still present is not the best idea. Coming up with a simple yet casual codeword when speaking with a person in a position of trust can literally help save your life. You can ask the person something simple like "What are you cooking for dinner tonight?" or "Or did you ever go and see that movie?" this code can mean for the person to call the police. Something simple but not obvious enough your attacker can unlock your secret code.

File a police report:

Do not try to do this step first. You have to do these steps in order so that you do not end up being attacked again by your abuser. Many abused people do not want to call the police because they are afraid that they will get it worse once their attacker finds out. You want to file the police report, just so you have some sort of legal documentation that someone has physically abused you. This step won't necessarily put the person in jail; however, it can help when you get ready to prove your case.

Keep a journal:

You should keep a journal and write about how you were abused and when you were abused. This way you have some sort of documentation. If you are still afraid to leave, then keep the journal for yourself until you get the motivation to walk out that door and never look back. You need to make sure the journal is kept in a secret location, somewhere your attacker will not look. Do not keep the journal in the car, or your bedroom or anywhere else the abuser may go to look. Keep it somewhere safe, if that means at a friend's house, at work, or buried deep somewhere.

See a doctor:

Go to the doctor if you have physical injuries. You need to have medical documentation to prove your case. If you have a black eye, bruised arm, or busted finger associated with being abused, then you need to see a doctor and keep medical documentation on you. Make copies and give to people you trust just in case you lose any information you have a back up.

Pack an emergency bag:

This emergency bag should have clothing, money, credit cards, medical cards, copies of documentation, your journal, phone numbers to services, relatives, or friends, checkbook, extra set of car keys, and any court papers you may have. Like the journal keep the emergency bag out of your abuser's reach. Put the bag somewhere they will not be able to find it.

After you leave the attacker you will need a plan. Here is the next plan for you after you have left successfully.

Tell people what is going on:

Tell your family, because they are there for you. Do not be afraid to share this information with friends and coworkers. If you need to tell your boss, then let them know. When you tell people what is happening, they are more likely to be there for you if your abuser comes looking for you.

Get an order of protection:

Do not wait a week or a month to get the order of protection after you leave. Get the order the exact same day. Make copies and pass them out. Give them to the security guard at work, your boss, your family, your friends, and defiantly keep a copy on yourself at all times, just in case your abuser wants to pay you a visit.

Have 911 on speed dial:

You want to have easy access to the police if your abuser happens to show up where you are or threatens you. Have this number ready in your phone, so with one push of a button you have access to your local police department.

Change your cell phone number:

Get a new number, your abuser won't be able to track you if you change any means of communications they may be familiar with. Remember, you do not want them trying to find you so make it difficult.

Change your daily routine:

Shopping at the grocery store by your home is not a good idea. Change up your routine. Go to another grocery store across town or where you are less likely to run into your abuser. Don't always take the same way when you are going places. If you like to go somewhere to eat for lunch and your abuser knows about it, don't go there. Do not go places your abuser will expect you to be.

Avoid being alone:

Don't go anywhere alone. Even if you are just going for a short drive or just to run to the store, take someone you trust with you. Try not to stay in an apartment or home alone. Stay with family, friends, or a shelter so that you stay safe.

Stay with someone who loves you:

You want to be around people who love and support you. Stay with family or friends. Stay with people who will have your back if your abuser should come looking for you. Be close to people you trust.

Find a support group:

Talking with people who have been through the same thing can really help make a change in your life for the better. Abuse can be traumatizing for you as well as your children. There are services that are provided for you once you get out of the abusive environment so take advantage of getting the help you and your family need.

I hope that God willing this plan will be of some help to you or someone you love.