How to Get Your Life on Course and Out of the Default Mode

The choices at our workplace cafeteria soda machine seem plentiful. There's Coke. Also Diet Coke. Barq's Root Beer. Mountain Dew. Trouble is, I can't drink any of those beverages because my body does not tolerate caffeine well. The remaining "choice" for me is Sprite. That's the only non-caffeine beverage in the Coca-Cola product menu offered in our cafeteria.

Sprite is the default beverage. Therein lies the symbol for many other so-called choices in life.

The "default" option is the choice we make when there are no other choices left. Or else we leave the default option open when we're working in a computer program and don't know what else to do. There are lots of defaults in life, you see. Many of us seem to live our whole lives that way.

If you go out for the football or basketball team in high school and don't make the team, you might wind up running track or cross country. Or, if you try out for the school play and wind up working set crew, that choice can define you for the remainder of your tenure in school.

So we see how the default option can take over our lives. How do you distinguish activities that fall into the long term "default" category versus the things you ought to be doing to satisfy your true potential as a human being?

Some people have a natural aptitude for making wise choices. Others elect to bull their way through the problem by turning their default option into a full-blown Plan A. One of the characters in John Irving's book "Hotel New Hampshire" put it best: "You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed."

But you still have to choose what you want to get obsessed about. Many of his have a hard time distinguishing what that obsession should be. We pour our souls into pursuits that might not serve our ultimate purpose in life.

This is not to suggest that putting your effort into a running career or other sport is time wasted. Lots of great athletes enjoy fun-filled careers, then go on to do other, meaningful things. Olympic champion diver Greg Louganis now participates in dog agility training. Rock star John Cougar Mellencamp quit making music for a while to try his hand as an artist.

That illustrates the fact that we can find our true calling, get called away by a default option and return to our true calling.

In the movie "Field of Dreams" the character named "Doc" Moonlight Graham (played by Burt Lancaster) gets to enter a dream world and fulfill his goal of playing professional baseball with boyhood heroes like Shoeless Joe Jackson. The experience is thrilling. But the doctor finds his true purpose when he steps out of the ball diamond to save a little girl from choking. After that he can't go back to his dream of playing baseball. But it turns out baseball was Doc Moonlight Graham's "default" option. "It would have been tragic if I'd never gotten to be a doctor," he says with complete satisfaction.

The book "The Soul's Code" addresses how to find you are really meant to do. The book is filled with compelling stories about people who pursued their obsession and succeeded. But it also documents the lives of people whose choices led to distraction and failure because they accepted the "default" mode rather than having the courage to follow their "soul's code."

Does everyone have a purpose in life? The great religions think so. Most make a convincing case that our real purpose in life should be in finding harmony with God. But you also need a practical vocation or avocation as well. God clearly supports that. How do you find that purpose?

The answer can be found in the example given at the start of this story. If what you really want in life is a cold, bubbly Coca-Cola and all you're offered is a Sprite, it may be time to change your thinking, or think ahead. Otherwise you are always at risk for giving yourself only the "default" option as a matter of course. So stop it. Start asking questions about the passions that lie within your soul. Go online and find people who might already be doing what you want to do. Ask them how they got there. Make connections. Explore options. Look beyond the default mode of your current existence to explore the person you might want to be.

Join up with Social Media groups that deal with your interests. Don't go overselling yourself or whining about your default problem. Just quietly ask a question and see what comes back. Instantly you'll find connections to your Plan A rather than lurking back in your Plan B, default mode.

Look for inspiration in strange places. The radio program "This American Life" did an interesting feature on people trying to make the best of their Plan B (or default option) lives. Give a listen. You can find "This American Life" on iTunes Podcasts.

Listening to the problems and solutions found by others might help break you out of your default mode by helping you realize that 1) you're not alone and 2) it's up to you to make a change. Work to create options other than the default mode.

As for the soda choices at work, I found a way around the problem of the default Sprite option. Even though I know that Coke is terrible for me nutritionally, the occasional craving is fine to satisfy. So I buy a liter jug of caffeine-free Classic Coke and store it by my desk, then simply walk to the cafeteria for a cup of ice when I get thirsty. It's much cheaper than paying 70 cents a can for a Sprite I did not want and is much more satisfying at every level. So no more forlorn cans of default Sprite for me. In fact I've even moved on from Coke altogether and drinking something healthier for my body.

I'm taking control of my default situation and finding ways to live the life I want, one can at a time.