How to Like Someone You Can't Stand

Enjoy this little ten-minute technique from the world of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (www.all-about-nlp.com). It's called Perceptual Positions. This will make it easy to get along with that person who is impossible to get along with. is guaranteed to work sometimes. The other person does not need to be present for this to work.

You will need three empty chairs and a room large enough to move those chairs around a bit, perhaps an average-size living room. Let's call the chairs A, B, and C.Place chairs A and B facing each other, and about 8 feet (2.5 meters) apart. Place chair C off to one side, approximately 6 feet (2 meters) away so it is facing the middle between chairs A and B.

Sit in chair A, and imagine 'that person' is in chair B. If you wish, you can take a minute to state your thoughts about that person.

Now, stand up, shake some body part or another to break your mental state, and then move toward chair B. As you sit into chair B, imagine that you are 'that person.' Breath with his/her lungs, wear that person's clothes, put your fingers in that person's finger slots, and your toes in that person's toe slots. Really become that person as much as your imagination will allow. Now as you sit in chair B as 'that person' look back at an imaginary image of yourself in chair A. What does 'that person' see in chair A? What does that person think of the one in chair A? Really? OK.

Whenever you are ready, stand up and shake something again. Shake off the persona of that person, and become a neutral observer. Imagine as fully as you can that you are neither that person or yourself, and when you feel yourself as a neutral observer, sit in chair C, facing the middle between chairs A and B. As the neutral observer, what do you think of the interaction between the people in chairs A and B (you and that person)? What do you notice about the two of them? How do you feel about that?

When you, the neutral observer, feel ready, move chair C way farther away. Has anything changed? Does the feeling change? Whether it does or not, is OK. You can move chair C closer again, and reobserve, if you wish.

OK, get up, shake off the neutral observer personality, and become yourself fully again. As you do, sit in chair A, and let yourself know whether anything has changed. If so, you may be done, although you are welcome to sit in all chairs again, becoming each person as you do so. If not, repeat the exercise. This time around, look for more honesty on the part of all the people you are imagining yourself to be.

Don't be surprised if you get any of these results:

You can't imagine why you didn't like that person.

You can't imagine why you didn't feel truly compassionate for that person's situation from the beginning.

Nothing seems to have changed, but a day, a few days, a week, or a month later, suddenly you understand that person, and enjoy the company of that person.

Take care & have fun! - Jeff The Wizard