How to Listen to Your Child

We all want to be heard. Sometimes, after telling our children to pick up after themselves for the hundredth time, parents can feel like they are never going to be heard again. We wonder why our children are such awful listeners. But, we all know that children act out the behaviors that are modeled for them. One of the hardest things to do, as a parent, is step back and reflect on our own listening skills.

Communicating effectively with anyone, but especially children, requires a healthy dose of listening. Here are 8 strategies to use to become a better listener.

1. Make eye contact. It may sound trite, but eye contact is often missing in communication between family members. Eye contact shows that you are focused on your child and ready to hear what he has to say.

2. Hold hands. When your child is saying something important to you, you want to be sure to let your child know that you are listening. Physical contact is an easy way to do this. By holding hands, you are telling your child that he has your full attention.

3. Get down to your child's level. Making eye contact and holding hands is hard if you are towering over your child. Kneeling down on the floor or sitting with your child on your lap will let her know that you are serious about what she has to say.

4. Repeat back some of what you heard. You don't need to be a parrot and repeat back everything, word for word, but repeating back key phrases or ideas that the child placed extra importance on will send the clear message that you really were listening. Also, if your child is relaying information that you need to act on later, repeating it back will clarify the information and help you to remember it.

5. Validate feelings. If your child is pouring his heart out to you in an emotion-filled moment, let him know that you care about his feelings. Strong feelings of anger or sadness can be confusing for young children. Validating feelings, lets your child know that his thoughts and feelings are normal and important to you.

6. Don't negate what your child said. Never say "you don't really feel that way" or "you can't mean that". If a child is telling you something, then they mean it. If you are uncomfortable with what they are saying, then keep it to yourself. A child confiding that he hates his sibling is trying to work through feelings of anger. If you negate what he tells you, he will learn how to repress that anger instead of learn how deal with the emotion in a healthy way.

7. Act interested. Even if listening to your child's recitations of all the best Sponge Bob episodes isn't interesting to you, act like it is. Paying attention in these moments builds trust. Your child will communicate more if she is used to you being a good listener. When she is having trouble at school or with friends, she will be more likely to come to you for help. She will also be more likely to confide in you as she enters the teen years.

8. Respect what your child says. Most people, children included, can tell when they are simply being humored or when they are truly being respected. Children have important opinions and feelings. They will feel valued if they know that you treat their words as importantly as they do.

Children who know they are listened to tend to amaze their parents with their own listening skills. Set the example in your home and be a good listener.