How to Live Alone Without Getting Set in Your Ways

Your place, your space, your rules. When you live alone, it's just that simple. You do what you want, how you want, and there's no need for negotiation. While this may seem perfectly harmless - particularly if you desire for your solo living arrangement to be a long-term or even permanent one - there are some benefits to remaining flexible and open regardless of your circumstances.

Having lived alone for more than 10 years before I got married, I can honestly say that I came pretty close to getting set in my ways. The one thing that kept me from going overboard was the realization that becoming set in my ways at home was likely to filter over into other areas of my life. Among coworkers, friends and family I found it beneficial and often necessary to be flexible and tolerant of how other people did things, and open to sharing.

I never wanted to become one of those people who was a pain to be around because I lost it every time someone moved a throw pillow two inches from its normal resting place on my sofa, or left a magazine out of place on the coffee table. It was important to me that people felt comfortable and at home when visiting me, and that I could visit others in their homes without being judgmental or difficult. These are among the many advantages of maintaining the right attitude when living alone and avoiding becoming too rigid.

Living alone without becoming set in your ways is not always easy, but there are several things that you can do to help the process along:

Periodically change your routine

Obviously, some personalities lend themselves to constant order, structure, and routine. To a certain extent, there is nothing wrong with getting up at the same time each morning, eating your favorite breakfast, watching the news and engaging in the same sequence of events day in and day out. Even people who live with others can develop a routine that they feel quite comfortable with. The problem is that sometimes, life truly does get in the way of routine. You may have a family emergency, become ill, travel out of town for your job or be faced with some other set of circumstances where you cannot do things exactly as you are accustomed to doing them. In such situations, it is important not to become overly stressed or unpleasant to be around.

If you fear that you will be unable to change your normal routine when the need arises, try changing it slightly when there is no pressure to do so. Sleep a little later, or get up a little earlier. Read the newspaper instead of watching the news on TV (or vice versa). Eat at the kitchen table instead of on the sofa. Switch things up a little, so that should there ever come a time when you have to do this, it won't be as much of an adjustment.

Open your home to guests more frequently

If you enjoy living alone and value solitude, you may be less likely to entertain in your home. However, you might be surprised at just how enjoyable hosting a small get-together at your place can be when you bring the right mixture of people together. Not much of a cook? You can easily purchase a few party food platters at your local supermarket or restaurant, or host a potluck dinner and have everyone bring their favorite dish.

It is critical not to become so isolated that you have a difficult time welcoming people into your home. After living on my own for so many years, I happened to marry into a fairly large family where extended family gatherings are commonplace. My husband and I are likely to have anywhere from 7 to 15 family members at our house on any given weekend - more if it's a special occasion such as a birthday or holiday celebration.

While I still have my share of peaceful, quiet days, these family gatherings would probably send me over the edge had I not opened my home in the past to friends and family members prior to getting married. I do occasionally have my moments when I feel a need to set some boundaries, but I would rather spend time enjoying the company of those that I care about when they come to visit and making sure they feel welcome and at home than fretting over petty things such as why there are used plastic Solo cups in our sink when we normally just throw them away.

Offer to baby sit in your own home

Children present the ultimate test for those who are used to their own space and doing things their own way. Never was I put to the test more than when my stepchildren lived with my husband and me. It was a wonderfully challenging experience and one that I wouldn't trade for the world. However, it was an adjustment. Had I done more babysitting in my home before I got married, I probably would have had fewer adjustments to make. Of course, parenting is above and beyond mere babysitting and I recognize that, but spending time alone with a friend or coworker's child in my home would have at least given me glimpse of what was to come. Nevertheless, I learned to adapt, and I am a better person for it.

Most children - especially very young ones - do not recognize boundaries on their own. A child is not necessarily going to know, for example, that you have an issue with them being in your bedroom when you're not in there, that you prefer they knock before entering the room, or that you don't want them helping themselves to certain things in the house without permission (i.e. food, your make-up, clothes, etc.). Even some adults do not recognize such boundaries.

Children in particular are curious beings and will want to explore every nook and cranny in your home for anything that sparks their interest. While this can initially be quite annoying, it can also present a wonderful opportunity for you to bond with them. For example, if you discover that your nephew has taken a liking to your favorite snack, instead of hiding it from him, why not share? If you absolutely LOVE this snack and would rather not have significantly less of it to eat, buy enough for two next time.

Don't pass up every invitation to spend the night with friends or family

There really is no place like home. But turning down every invitation to spend the night with family and friends just because you have a place of your own is not always a good thing. Not only can you miss out on some incredibly special, fun moments, but you can deeply offend people that you really care about.

Of course, there are times when we all prefer our own space to that of another. Even the most cramped, lackluster dwelling can be a haven when we just want to be alone. However, the key is to strike a balance. You can completely forget how to share a space with another human being if you continually deny yourself the opportunity to do so. Then when the time comes when you have or want to share, you will find it extremely difficult to do so.

In summary, if you live alone and love it, that is a wonderful thing. However, it would be wise to avoid becoming too set in your ways, because this is likely to manifest outside of the home as well. You will be a better coworker, family member and friend if you maintain some level of openness and flexibility. You can value and enjoy your own space and time while still having quality relationships with others. And should the day come when you elect or find it necessary to share a home with another person, you'll have fewer adjustments to make and be better able to enjoy the company.