How to Live Amiably with Your In-Laws

Anybody who has lived long enough has probably heard an "in-law" horror story or two. In fact, if a survey was taken on the causes of divorce, it wouldn't be surprising to find the "in-law" factor appearing first on the long list.

Why is there so much trouble about in-laws? What can you do in order to avoid that trouble, maintain a healthy relationship with your so-called extended family and in the long run perhaps save your marriage? The following tips can prevent your "in-laws" from becoming outlaws.

1.) Leave and Cleave

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." - Genesis 2:24

Whether you believe the Bible or not, this is one of the best advices that should be followed by newly married couples. Firstly you must leave your father and mother. Some couples stay in their parent's house for weeks or months before moving in to their new homes. This is totally wrong and will cause complications in the near future no matter how good, kind spirited or meek you or your in-law is. There will always be personality clashes.

There are some couples that move out of their parent's house immediately but they still have not left their dependence upon their parents or untied their mother's aprons strings around them. This is a major "battle" ground between couples. Couple should be independent from their parents in all aspects of their life. This includes leaving their parents financially, semi-emotionally and physically.

The second advice given in the verse is that the man shall "cleave" to his wife. "Cleave" means to "glue" or to "stick" to "adhere closely." In other words under ordinary circumstances, couples should side with each other or stick closer together and stand by each other's decision instead of their parents'. In case of conflict, they should let their parents understand that they love them but they need to support the decision of their spouse with regards to certain matters.

2.) The kids factor

Kids are often the source of quarrel between the couple and the parents in-law. Parents in-law often want to advice the new couple on how to raise their children, what school they should attend, how they are suppose to discipline them and on and on. Sometimes the couple feels threatened by this. They think that their parents are trying to dictate their lives. When your parents in-law start to do this, just be frank with them and tell them that you appreciate their advice, but you and your spouse have talked about the matter and that has already been decided upon.

Couples should also understand that in-laws are so much fond with their grandchildren that they tend to "over-care" or "over-protect" them. If only you can also understand what your in-laws feel about your kids, then you might also learn to adjust to them easily.

3.) Set boundaries

This is the most-often given advice as to how to avoid conflict with your parents in-law. Though a clich�, this advice is still very effective. Before getting married, try to talk to your parents about setting boundaries. Tell your prospective spouse to do the same too. Setting boundaries simply means setting limits. Parents should know up to what point they should "meddle" with the affairs and personal lives of their children. If they sometimes step out of that boundary line, you could ask your spouse - their son or daughter - to remind his or her parents about the boundary that was set. If the boundaries are well established then you should have a less than bumpy ride on your relationship with your in-laws, and in the long run, even with your spouse.