How to Live Green

I you want to live a green life its possible though some sacrifices must be made. First stop breathing, your respiration is filled with CO2 and contributes to global warming. Next if you cant manage that one then stop farting and crapping, because animal dung and waste is the "LEADING" cause of methane production on the planet. Thats right every hamburger and steak you eat has a double whammy. First the animal has to fed, raised and then slaughtered, each of these beasties contributes CO2 and methane for years before it gets to your table. Then once you ingest the massive polluting steak or roasted delight, you eventually have to get rid of the waste, yes your crap is killing the planet.

Now to your car, okay stop driving it, work from home, walk to work, or ride a bike. Okay so thats impratical because of the distance. So move your big meat eating polluting butt to the city where you work. Oh so you dont want to do that because theres to much crime and your tax dollars dont provide the kind of quality education you want your kids to have. Gee you guys arent easy to please.

Okay next stop using electricty unless its produce by nuclear, wind, solar or some hybrid solution. Enough energy falls on every house every year to provide all its power needs. Okay so it costs about $100,000 to setup a house up to do that. Big deal borrow the money from the banks, they will do that wont they?

Now stop buying plastics and rubber, almost 95% of all these products are petroleum based and you dont really need anything made from plastic or rubber. Wait arent there new ways to produce eco friendly products like plastic and rubber? You bet there is today less than 2% of everything we use is made that way. Gosh if we converted to just recycled eco friendly manufactoring look at how many jobs we could create.

Now start planting some trees in your yard, never mind it will block the sun to your brand new solar panels plant trees on the back side of your property so we can replinish the lungs of the planet. What now you dont own any property well go buy some, again there are banks for this, sheesh you guys are dumb.

Now finally educate your kids about the planet we live on, tell them we have to develope electric power hybrid cars that dont emit CO2 and uses oil to get us around. Teach them about nautral foods that dont use petroleum based pesticides, and make them eat only a vegitarian diet so animals arent used that produce massive quantities of methane. And show them that big business and massive global corporation are really our friends and how the money they make from these wonderful petroleum based products are evil and are killing our planet. After all these massive business entities are so worried about the waste they produce the just dump it somehwere like Somolia, out of sight out of mind.

If we do all these things are planet will recover from the massive damage done by greedy stupid people who have finally seen the shining light of reason and rational thinking.

And f$@k you too.