How to Live with a Mentally Ill Parent

In today's stressful society, mental illness is becoming increasingly prevalent. For those of us who suffer from various disorders, the detrimental effects of mental illness are becoming increasingly profound. While mental illness is often debilitating for those who suffer from it, we tend to overlook the negative effects incurred by caretakers of the mentally ill. As a child who takes care of a mentally ill parent, I am forced to fight a constant battle against the limits that are placed upon my life. If you or someone you know is the caretaker of a mentally ill parent, I would like to take this opportunity to share some of my personal thoughts and lessons learned regarding this painful subject.

[1] The first and most important step in successfully living with a mentally ill parent is education. If you take nothing else from this article, education should be it. Let me scream it one more time: EDUCATION! To live with a mentally ill parent, you must be able to slip on a heavy suit of psychological body armor everyday. The easiest way to do this is to know all of the inner and outer workings of the demon you are facing.

[2] Purchase a DSM-IV-TR. This is the mental illness dictionary of the psychological profession. You do not need a degree or a license to purchase this book, and it is the most comprehensive and accurate source of information available to you. In it, you will find all of the information you require about any mental illness. Research it. Know it well.

[3] After you have researched in your newly acquired DSM, take your knowledge base to the internet. Seek to expand upon the information you already have. Look online for forums composed of people who suffer from mental illness or of caretakers of mentally ill parents. Compile a list of resources to go to in case of an emotional emergency.

[4] Be aware that when a parent says hurtful or abusive things to you, it is not your parent talking, but the mental illness. I have found that when my mother reacts hatefully toward me, I receive a great deal of comfort from reading my DSM. It helps me to understand that her behavior is not directly related to something I've done - it's simply the result of her mental illness.

[5] Surround yourself with a large support system. When dealing with a mentally ill parent, your self-esteem and capability are likely to take a big hit. You should have a list of phone numbers for people you can call when you are feeling down or overwhelmed. People who are outside of the situation are likely to see it much more clearly than you do.

[6] Engage in good self-care. No matter what you do, always try to find at least 30 minutes a day to utilize for yourself. Take a nap. Sit and vegitate. Go shopping. In short, do something for YOU that makes YOU feel good. Eat right when you can and get as much sleep as you can.

[7] Lastly, do not allow your life to be defined by your parent's mental illness. Realize that you are a unique individual with your own hopes and dreams and at some point, you have to have some loyalty toward yourself. It is okay to say "No."