How to Have a Long Term Relationship

Creating a lasting relationship (kinship, mutually interested or involved over time) is not too difficult. It takes work, tenacity and grit (firmness, unyielding courage).

Starting off with wrong concepts

Everyone gets together in life for some reason. Hopefully it is a win/win situation. Many times it is not that balanced. We all start with wrong concepts.....he/she will change over time with "my" help, for example. It helps if we have an adequate role models. Usually we want different, more, better that what we saw growing up. I remember my mother saying it was my responsibility to make my family happy! What a trip that turned out to be for me. We learn differently over time.

Working toward the same goals and sharing responsibilities

In the beginning this is usually easy. We "play" at house, no curfews, no rules, just fun within the "usually limited" means of our income. Along the way we have begun to discuss and strive toward common goals in life. Education, grown up toys, careers, friends, parties and social activities happen and are enjoyed tremendously. Life will be wonderful! We will achieve great things together.

Overcoming difficulties

Then real life begins to creep into the scene, ever so slowly at first. Children begin to arrive and maybe careers get stressful. After a while a career gets to be just a job. Expenses mount (or have already mounted) and life becomes more difficult and less fun for all. Responsibilities grow in huge proportions and sometimes not shared as equally as before. Resentments and discontent builds. This is where tenacity and grit pays off. Too many times the goals in life are not remembered and shared and couples will start looking for a "way out" instead of a way of working together to "get through". Adjustments to life's routines need to be made! A simple little act of "dating your mate again" can suffice or better yet, a weekend off alone. It can do wonders for reminding both of you of the ultimate plan of life you had together in the beginning.

Minding your own business

One of the most beneficial acts anyone can make is "don't ask any questions and don't volunteer any information". On the surface this seems risky or even impossible. If you question the motives behind this questioning (distrust, jealousy, envy) and volunteering information (hurtful, selfish, spiteful) then you begin to understand the meaning. Everyone has a right to be who they are. Trust is important. The surest way to make a man/woman is think him/her so.

The goals

Eventually, really before you know it has happened, the goals are in sight or achieved. The expenses have somehow been managed, the children have their own lives and maybe families and now life can be really enjoyed in a different way. Witnessing the evolution of the children and the grandchildren is the real blessing. They strive for the same things you did, different, more, better.......

They will make it - you did!