How You Look at Loneliness Does Matter

Naturally you may crave a warm family of your own and bemoan being single. Yet, a recent poll asked various persons whether they would change their life with another person, if they could, and, if so, with whom. Amazingly, both married persons and singles looked enviously at each other. One wife who wanted to change life with her single girl friend wrote:

"Her time is her own. She can travel and go places whenever she wants to. When you're married and have children your life is never your own. You always have a husband and children to answer to . . . Don't get me wrong. I love my family very much and they are the center of my life. But if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't get married."-Psychology Today, August 1976.

Though your singleness may be forced rather than by choice, still look at the advantages. This viewpoint will help to prevent crippling self-pity. "There are worse things in life than never finding a man," warned one single woman, who added: "There's never finding yourself." But that is not accomplished by spending one's time thinking only about oneself.

The original Greek word literally means "to suffer with." It involves sharing the experiences of others. So when engaged in conversation, rather than thinking of what to say next, genuinely listen. Concentrate on what the person is saying. Endeavor to feel his emotions. See things from his point of view.

Nothing will stimulate good conversation more than a few meaningful, yet considerate, questions such as, "Where are you from?" "How do you like the area?" "What do you do for relaxation?" "Do you have any hobbies?" If the person is a fellow Christian, a question that usually gets things going is, "How did you become interested in becoming a Christian?" Naturally, avoid prying or pressing a matter farther than your companion finds comfortable.

Soon you will be asked similar questions and have opportunity to talk. Besides merely talking, you will be taking the first step in establishing rapport with another. When you next meet, you will have something in common. He no longer is a meaningless face in the crowd. Neither are you to him. You have begun to share thoughts and experiences together.

So do not expect perfection from either yourself or others. Often there is a natural shyness. It takes time and mutual sharing to build a genuine friendship. So do not imagine that such is formed after a few light conversations. The point is: Show an interest in others and you will find that, gradually, chronic loneliness will leave. However, will all your acquaintances make good friends?